The Synchronicity of Purpose

It just so happens that when I think I know the answer, I truly don’t. Furthermore, ever more frequently, I find there is no answer to be had. As a new attempt at finding internal stress relief, my mother invited me to a seven-day Zen Buddhist silent meditation retreat. In this retreat I learned about the Japanese koan tradition: meditating on seemingly non-sensible anecdotes that do not technically have meaning but for which one is to sit and to “figure them out”… maybe?

So as soon as one thinks they have found the meaning or answer, they find out that they were wrong, or not even wrong, but not “right,” perhaps not “finished” is the best word. If I start to logically label something as right or wrong I am therefore obviously not “doing it right”. But again, no right, no wrong, not finished.

In this way, I find that this applies to hindsight. What in the moment seemed so right and true was actually not. I believe that, while not wishing for, nor justifying the cruelty of this physical life, things happen for a reason. That my personal bubble energy is received and given with purpose, whether intended consciously or unconsciously. Sometimes I feel as if I am being directed by something indefinable.

I recently attended psychological sessions as required to be offered a position overseas. During these sessions, my wonderful guide to the internal self instructed me to recognize the truth of the energy passing through me. No right, no wrong, just reality of personal truth. “Stop,” she said, “What are you feeling right now? Did you notice a change when you said this and then that? Did you smile at this and wrinkle your eyebrows at that? Where is the physical source of what you just shared? What does it mean? Can it be defined? Or is there something more there than a defined feeling?”

Seven years previously, on a bus traveling back from a large market in the Ecuadorian mountains, while staring out a window, I mumbled out-loud the universal French idea “déjà-vu.” My Spanish-speaking Ecuadorian neighbor shared with me his belief about this French expression: we are where we should be. No right, no wrong, no answer, just a check point to let me know that everything in my energy force is as it should be; a pause in my life to regroup and to reconnect. Kind of like feedback from a superior micromanager from within. Or from above in heaven? Down below in Pachamama? From all seven directions?

This does not gift me permission to live unconsciously. Contrarily, I believe that this requires more consciousness, more awareness, more fluid observation of it all. The more I live the more difficult it is to describe the ever-growing synchronicity of life. In my life exists value that has no meaning, no beginning, no end, no answer, just gravity. Even the leaf in the wind has direction as does a mountain stream or a rolling stone. This I believe.