I Believe in Perfection

Perfection does not exist, everyone knows that. But, if perfection is not real then why do so many people find themselves searching for it? That is a question I ask myself everyday because I believe in perfection. It is my belief that there is a perfect body, a perfect school life, a perfect way to dress, and a workout to reach perfection, everything can be perfect…in the ideal world. The problem is this-I have grown up to be a rational, logical human being as well, and in my moments of “striving to reach perfection”, I do in fact understand and acknowledge that it is not a healthy reality.

When I was a little girl, I danced. I took every step exactly the way my teacher instructed. The toughest teacher I ever had was Miss Elizabeth. The first time I was in her class I was only seven years old. Miss Elizabeth was from Russia and in her dance studio when she was a little girl, their knuckles would get rapped by a ruler if they were misbehaving or did something in the wrong way. She was everything I could ever have dreamed of, long and lean, her body did not carry an ounce of fat on it. Her flowing long blonde hair was always tucked back in one thick braid. She always seemed to know the perfect way to do everything, she glided effortlessly across the floor with every step she showed my dance class. She was beautiful, she was incredible, she was perfect. I wanted to be Miss Elizabeth. I strived to be like her from the moment I met her. “Point your toes Chelsey!” I’d never pointed my toes so hard. “Whip your head. Straighten your knee. Leap higher. Turn faster.” She was like a drill sergeant leading me down the road to my perceived perfection, and I loved every minute of it.

When I was only eight years old my dance company traveled to Kansas City, Missouri to compete in the National Spotlight Dance Cup competition. This was only my first year in the company so I was absolutely ecstatic! I performed a tap duet with another little girl; Essence Sugar to a Mickey Mouse song and we rocked it! First place went to us! After performing we came flying off the stage flashing our bright white smiles and our teacher Ms. Stacey exclaimed, “That was perfect! You did it, I am so proud of both of you girls!” “Wow…She was proud of me? I was perfect? Hmm…maybe this whole idea of perfection is a brilliant idea! If I received praise like that all the time I would be so happy!” The positive reinforcement I had been given for being perfect was incredible!

Having lived in this mindset of perfection for as long as I can remember, I hardly notice I do it anymore! However, I strongly feel the idea of having a perfect body has stuck with me since I was a little girl in dance class. I take extreme measures with exercising in order to ensure I stay fit. I work out everyday, I run on the treadmill, perform curls for my arms, do leg lifts, and an ungodly amount of crunches are always done. Almost as a way of tricking myself, I deceive myself in thinking that there is perfection. However, I go insane trying to reach it only to realize in the end that perfection is not real! I make sure not to eat too unhealthy for fear of losing my ideal look. I will never settle for anything less than what I believe is the perfect look.

The need for perfection has become a part of me, so much so that I do not recognize it anymore. However, those closest to me often say it is one of the characteristics that I portray strongest. I guess, I try to ignore it because I know the need for perfection is not healthy to dream about on a daily basis. Though it does come in handy from time to time. I believe in an ideal world; I believe in perfection.