Tell My Kids Everyday That I Love Them

The world can be a scary place to navigate. The evidence is not only in the news — terrorist attacks, earthquakes, airplane crashes — but also in our backyard — unemployment, divorce, cancer. In this unpredictable world, I believe my job as a mother is to tell my kids everyday that I love them and that they can count on my love as a constant in their lives.

Like all mothers, I try to teach my kids to avoid danger. After a friend of mine got hit by a car while crossing the street at a stop sign, I explained to my boys, 9 and 6, how to make eye contact with drivers before stepping into the intersection. When my boys insist on going to the men’s bathroom in the mall, they know they should scream for help if someone grabs them.

But I know I can’t always protect them – from difficult situations or from poor decisions. Part of growing up is learning to deal with life’s challenges themselves. They will get acne, they may not be able to find a job after college, they will probably get their hearts broken. Unpredictability – good and bad – is part of living, and my boys will have to solve their own problems.

Still, as a mother I feel I need to do something for them.

About a year after the 9/11 terrorist attacks, someone asked me to write a reflection on the attacks. I had trouble writing. Then I picked up my son from daycare. As soon as he saw me, he came running with a sheet of paper in hand, his cheeks browned like buns from the oven, and said, “Mommy, I made circles.” I kissed his warm head, squeezed him close and declared his circles quite round. At that moment, I realized that this simple act of showing I loved him was what I could do for him and that maybe the constancy of my love can help see him through horrors like 9/11.

“I love you, Cole,” I said to my son then and have said countless times since.

As I write this essay, my younger son, Tyler, who has been hovering by the computer, tells me that I forgot to say “I love you” one night. “But you know I love you, right?” I ask. “Yeah,” he answers, as he kisses me. I’m sure I did miss some opportunities, but I know I’ve said it and shown it consistently, even during harsh scoldings, and I like to think that my kids are more secure and self-confident for it. My hope is that they feel empowered to be who they want to be, knowing that Mommy and Daddy will love them as always. What I didn’t expect to happen is their reciprocation of unconditional love (no matter how many stupid mistakes as a mom I’ve made) and how it has made me more secure and self-confident as well.