Inner Conflicts

Have you ever felt like there was something wrong, but you weren’t sure what it was or why you were feeling that way? Do you ever feel down or overwhelmed but not even know why? It’s like those moments when you feel like you’re forgetting something before going to school or work, but you can’t remember what it is you’re forgetting until you get there or it’s too late. I believe something like this can happen with stress. It’s almost like stress creeps up on you and haunts you, while being completely unaware of its presence. You feel down or unhappy, and you can’t figure out what it is that’s causing it. And it’s not until the stress is gone when you realize what was causing the stress and hot it was affecting your life. Stress had this affect on me when I found out I had to move out of the country.

It was near the end of third grade when my parents told my siblings and me that we would be moving to Taiwan. I remember feeling as though my stomach had turned into a knot. My dad was offered a long term business trip there, and I was happy for him, but I didn’t want to leave home. I was scared about the trip. But my parent’s decision was final, and we were to leave by early July.

When July came around, our house had been emptied of all our belongings and we had said our goodbyes to our family and friends. I was sad about leaving home, and I was wondering what my new life would be like there. Would I make any friends? What will the school be like? Will we have a yard or a park nearby? Will there be any American food for us to eat? I was constantly asking myself questions like these.

I noticed immediate differences when we arrived to the airport in Taiwan. We were no longer in a small little town; we were in a big city with big buildings. There weren’t any parks for me to play at, the streets were always crowded, everyone there was speaking in a language that I didn’t understand, and I felt so lost. My new school had multiple buildings with three thousand students attending, and another thousand in staff. I broke down crying on the first day of school.

I eventually got to a point where I was just so emotionally stressed out that I would miss one to two weeks of school at a time. My physical health was being weakened by my emotionally stress. I even started seeing a shrink. But I was completely unaware of what I was going through at the time. I thought I was having a good time. But I really wasn’t happy, and I was stressed out. And it wasn’t until years after when I realized this. So I believe that someone can be stressed and not even know it.