September 22, 2009 — I Believe That Hope Is Embedded In the Uncertainty of Each Day

I believe that hope is embedded in the uncertainty of each day.

In 1992 I was diagnosed with clinical depression. The amalgam of anger, alcoholism, unfounded fear, drug abuse, and my inability to cope and form meaningful relationships was at last given a label – clinical depression. These labels, I’ve learned, have utility; for once the flaw is identified, a solution is set loose and can begin to rise.

Throughout an arduous series of counseling, recovery, relapse and trials of psychotropic medications, I began to heal, though at an exceedingly slow pace.

The pitfalls oftentimes arrived on a daily basis. But I kept at it, despite my lower inclinations. I was open to any source of secular guidance that might rescue me from the misery of my depression and the resulting addictions that I had developed in trying to either hold the monster at bay or sedate me from the pain of its serial presence.

I cannot plot the date that I realized what has become perhaps my only meaningful belief – that hope is embedded in the uncertainty of each day. But, I have since grown to rely upon the principle’s life-saving truth throughout the myriad struggles I have encountered in my professional and personal lives.

This belief has led me to realize that oftentimes the best I can do is to end my day early, take to my bed, and rise again with the impending sun and the uncertainties that it will soon illuminate for me.

I once wrote that “there is hope in the passing air of a free fall.” While that observation was probably an exaggeration, the principle is nonetheless preserved – the passage of time is concurrent with change, and change fosters hope. It is, of course, my obligation to dismantle any given set of changes in order to locate the positive linings. But when I find them, I’m instantly led to a sense of hope. During that moment, I become happier. And at that moment, that’s all that really matters.

On December 20, 2009, I will have been sober and reasonably happy for seven amazing years. My recovery has been fuelled by my reliance upon the fact that there is indeed hope embedded in each new day.

This, I believe.