Dear Mama

Dear Mama,

Our days crawl at the pace of a snail

Now that we’ve lost our trail

maker and rock steady supporter.

Without you, we struggle to find order

and are blind towards someone to fill your loafer.

Then again, if given the chance, very few

could love and appreciate us the way you do.

Which has us distraught to the point

of giving up and ready to disappoint,

everything you taught us while you could

like living our lives how good Christians should.

Like a good Christian would

question what they see askew

Please listen to what I must ask you…

Did you deserve the pain?

Or all of the Strain?

Were you aware of how hard it was to watch?

The woman in our lives tick away slowly like a Swatch

or even a Rolex.

Second by second, slowly building our vex?

No, to all of the above,

because you knew not how we yearned your love.

“Vex? Against whom?” you ask with haste

And we’ll simply reply, “No one, no one but fate”.

Fate that left our gas tank on “E”

An “E” that couldn’t be filled with gasoline,

because the ‘Marie Johnson Gas Station’ had closed when I was only fifteen.

It was out of your hands, and

Ghayan’s, Zizwe’s, Mine and even Dad’s.

We are stuck on the road of life.

Husband without a wife,

Children without their mummy,

Lives empty like our tummy.

The four of us alone,

This house is not a home.

You could not see or hear

our collective tear

run down the cheeks you did caress

obliviously to all, placing you everlasting bless

sing of your praises, I could forever.

It is a shame that you won’t guide me through the rest of my endeavor

Through life, which is a quest

that we must navigate through without the best

Lover, Sister and Mother.

The one to be there through the end

I’m sorry; I couldn’t be there for my very best friend.

I remember how you would hesitate to allow me out of your sight

and how you watched me from morning til night.

You were the definition of selfless

but now we find our lives without you, meaningless.

I love you beyond explanation

Beyond comprehension

You barely heard me say it because

I was in awe to see a woman of such fight

Lay in a bed, unable to feed her own appetite.

The love I have for you, I believed you knew,

but now that your gone, I have no one to say it to.

Your words and deeds have inspired us, for sure,

strongly enough to heed the words you uttered before.

You were here in this world for 45 years alive,

surely an angel in disguise.

45 years of advice, counsel and guidance

Insufficient, of course, for us to enjoy your entire radiance

They say, “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone”

I never did understand it until you said ‘So long’

So do away with your feelings of sorrow,

because God will reunite us on a better tomorrow.

Do away with your feelings of failure,

because you aced the tests, your peers couldn’t have taken, I know this for sure.

Do away with the self-guessing of your ego

because you were beautiful before and after the chemo.

Do away with your feelings of guilt,

because you left this world above all, as if on stilts.

Feel not ashamed for leaving us without our chief,

God realized you were too precious to be among any robber, murderer or thief.

You won the fight and battle, holding high, your chest

But in the end, the war went to the cancer in your breast.