This I Believe

I believe it is to better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. A statement like that cannot, of course, be effectively stated unless it is stated by a voice of experience. I can effectively say that it is better to have loved and lost because I once had a very close friend, who I agreed to marry, who I lost because he began to make life choices that I disagreed with. This boy and I grew up together; we were playmates in every stage of our lives. Our romance was a natural step. In the beginning we had compatible, almost identical, morals and values. As things are right now, our lives and the values that shape them couldn’t be much more different. Losing him was probably the hardest thing I have ever gone through. But, given the chance to repeat history, I would do it again because the lessons I learned were worth the price.

One lesson that I learned was about compromise. I learned that compromise isn’t always about where to have dinner. Compromises come at all levels. Sometimes, it is necessary to compromise personal emotional comfort in order to meet the emotional need of a loved one.

Another big lesson I learned was one of understanding those who are different. I must confess to a bit of snobbery. Almost everyone knows that we humans are leery of people who are different from us and I certainly fall into the human category. I grew up being taught the right ways to dress and present oneself, the right ways to speak and spend time, the right people with whom to associate. Since these were the right ways, then obviously those who differed from them were wrong. Having a close relationship to someone who chose different ways than my “right” ways opened my eyes. Now, when I see someone who is making a statement by dressing “like a ragamuffin” (to use my mother’s words) or someone who is part of what I perceive as the wrong crowd, my reaction is different. Now I remember that underneath the outside layer is a person like me and like my friend, with feelings, beliefs, and inherent worth in God’s eyes.

It is true that even if my friend and I had never met, I might have learned these lessons in other ways. But, the experience was so valuable to me that I firmly believe that it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.