No Matter What

Natasha - Holyoke, Massachusetts
Entered on May 13, 2009

No Matter What

My mom has always told me, “No matter what struggles or obstacles are put in front of you, always tunnel vision and push through them” This is what I live by each day of my life since the age of 15.

The relationship between my dad and I has soured throughout the years. We used to be close and I would go to my dad for all my needs. I was what you call a daddy’s girl. Fishing on Sunday mornings at Mt. Tom was a routine for us. We really wouldn’t talk much, but the time we spent was special. We no longer spend time together and truthfully it has affected me. Now our time is spent in blurry arguments that are blown out of proportion ending in heart piercing words.

I usually ignore when my parents have arguments but this day was not my day. I didn’t even pay attention to what they were saying until my dad asked me a question and put me in the argument. He asked something that I don’t remember all that well but I answered it and obviously he didn’t like my remark and opinion. He yelled at me at the top of his lungs and he got very red. He started calling me an ungrateful child and told me that I was being disrespectful and that I should not get in their problems. I didn’t understand why I was getting yelled at because he was the one who put me in the argument in the first place. It all went out of proportion and the hurtful words went back and forth between us.

I’m the type of person that takes things to the heart. To hear someone that I love say things that are hurtful hit me very hard. My dad and the giant love I had for him has slowly faded like sundown’s light diming into night. I sure do love my dad I just wish we can spend time together like we did when I was younger. Sometimes I feel like we both act this way because I have grown and he’s afraid to lose me. If we stay on the same road we are on now I feel like I’m going to lose him and never patch up our relationship.

I’ve learned that no matter what my father and I go through I have to live my life and block him out. Tunnel vision is what I need to do to better myself and not let the little things my father does bother or effect my actions and decisions. “No matter what struggles or obstacles are put in front of you, always tunnel vision and push through them”, this I believe.