This I Believe

Brittany - El Mirage, Arizona
Entered on May 12, 2009
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: death, family

Why did it have to end like this? Why does the pain kill me inside? Why is it still there? Why can’t it just go away?

I was 11 years old. Just a simple young girl. I can remember this day like it was yesterday. I was at my cousin’s house. We were hanging out just being kids. A few minutes later my uncle received a call and that call was when my life changed.

My uncle would not tell me what was wrong he just said, “Something happened and you need to go home.” I asked him to please tell me what’s going on. He said, “I would rather you hear this from your mother.” At that moment I was thinking that my grandpa flipped the quad again, but I was wrong. When I got home basically my whole family was standing outside my house. When I saw that everyone was there, I knew that very moment something was wrong. At that time I thought my mom had died. I didn’t even wait for the vehicle to stop. I just jumped out. I ran toward my family and all of a sudden my little sister who was 3 years old yelled and said “Brittany daddy died!” When she said that, I just fell down to the ground on my knees and started to cry.

When I finally took control of my emotions I asked my real father where my mother was. He said, “She is in the house and she will be out here in a minute.” What my step-dad did not know was the affects this would have on our family’s lives. My mother came outside of the house and I asked her what happened. She said, “That my step-father had committed suicide.” When I heard those words come out of her mouth I just cried harder. I also knew that nothing in my life would be the same again with him gone.

About a week later we had his funeral. I didn’t want to go his funeral because I was angry at him for leaving his family like this. When I got to the church where his funeral took place everyone was starring at my family. I felt betrayed, hurt, heart broken, and confused all at the same time. I believe out of this whole experience the funeral was the hardest part for me because I didn’t want this to be true or to let him go. What I am trying say out of my story is that there are different ways to deal with life besides trying to take the easy way out. I’m saying that the next time you try to hurt yourself in anyway possible stop and think about what you are doing and how you will affect other people in your life.

I believe in thinking of others before hurting yourself. This is why I believe what I believe.