I believe in foregiveness

Caitlin - phoenix, Arizona
Entered on May 12, 2009
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: forgiveness

I believe in forgiveness. The power of releasing built-up resentment, hate, and sadness in exchange for a heart that is open to trusting others again. Saying the words, “I forgive you,” thereby freeing yourself and other individuals of anxiety and pain. The last step to walk on the tightrope of healing is forgiveness.

This past year has been the most painful and tumultuous year of high school for me. At the end of last summer I was still reeling over a broken relationship. I changed who I was for this person and in turn received a punch in the face. My pride was destroyed, the pieces shredded into nothing. My attitude changed from loving and compassionate to defensive and angry. I took out all of my frustration on those that were closest to me, including my best friends. I was rude, inconsiderate and selfish. I pushed them so far away that eventually, they gave me an ultimatum: change or you are not our friend anymore. Needless to say I took one look at them and walked away, for good. The months following were miserable. There was not a day that went by where I didn’t receive a spiteful stare, hear a nasty rumor, or was flat out ignored. I knew the source of all those instances. I dreaded going to school because I knew the losing battle I would be fighting. I no longer had my shield and armor to protect me. I spent so much time with those friends that I had no one else to turn to, including my family.

However, time heals all wounds. I grew strong. I made new friends and rekindled old ones from past years. I started spending more time with my family and remembered what matters most in life. I went back to church and concentrated on growing in my walk with God. I gave my brokenness to him and he used it to help others sharing my same ordeal. I completely changed my “poor me” mindset and started focusing on God, family, school, and work. At one point, I forgave myself and others for destroying what was supposed to be “the best year of high school.”

I still look back and wonder what if? What if I had not been so stubborn and just would have apologized? “What if” thinking does not change the past. Past history made me the strong person I am today. I am strong because I know when to apologize and admit when I am wrong. The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attitude of the strong.