This I believe. I believe in question and in doubt. I believe that one should question everything in everything before believing whole-heartedly. I do not have the answers to the many mystifying questions that are out there in terms of religion and spirituality. I cannot say whether a higher power exists or if we as humans manifest an entity to help us cope with our concerns of the afterlife. I feel that the realm of the unknown is one reason why we choose to look into religion instead of taking it at face value. We question what we do not understand, but strive relentlessly to prove something as true, or false.
I believe in skepticism, I believe in doubt to protect us from the truth. If I do not believe in god, then I surely cannot go to hell. If I doubt the existence of a higher power then I am exempt from the said “plan for human race.” But do I doubt him because I do not live by the word of god, because I do not often give to charity, or practice a mainline religion? I do not attend church because I cannot bring myself to believe the words that the leaders spew from memory. I do not feel the emotion that others try to drive into me, to change me, to “save” me. However, do I subconsciously have a need for religion? To impress someone I cannot honestly say exists? Perhaps I resist religion because I am terrified of what comes after I’ve learned all there is to know. Maybe my high expectations will let me down in the end, so it’s better to just avoid the possible confrontation than to get my hopes up.
I cannot give you answers, because I myself am searching for them. I can only give you what I believe. And I do not know what I believe. I feel a sudden urge to surround myself in religion, to fit in with my peers. But I am lying to myself when I spout out verses and passages from the bible. I cannot understand the gibberish that I am supposed to believe. I cannot read into these words from so long ago, that many do not even think to read into. Where would we be without religion? Without someone’s teaching’s telling us how to live and what we need to do in order to go to heaven, and what we must not do, for fear of eternal torture in the bouts of fiery hell. I am an agnostic with skeptical tendencies.
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