This I Believe

Nancy - Phoenix, Arizona
Entered on May 6, 2009
Age Group: 18 - 30

Anything in life is possible, This I Believe…

As a child, you view the world as a perfect little fantasy that no one ever destroys. You don’t ever worry about anything; you are only a little boy or girl having the time of your life. Never did I think that anything would happen to me, everybody but me. A lot of things went wrong indeed, the life I had as a child was lost in darkness. I went through many rough patches, but over all my tragedies, I survived.

I looked at myself in the mirror and I couldn’t believe the person I was becoming. I couldn’t recognize myself. I no longer referred to myself as I. I was someone else, someone standing there watching my other half shatter. No matter what I remained by her side. I did anything I could to drive her away from the nightmare she had created. All was in her head.

When I thought of all those so-called Emo kids, I never thought that’d be me. I was smarter than that, that dumb, couldn’t be me. I found it harder and harder to cope with everything that was going on. Feeling disgusted by my own body and feeling unloved, I cut. The cutting increased, it rose higher and higher, even higher than the heat in Phoenix every summer. All this girl could do was grab anything sharp at her reach and force it down her skin. Her friends could no longer help. This dreadful routine had become a part of her, something that no one could ever stop except her. There was no way with her. She wouldn’t listen to anybody, all she knew was the pain she held within.

Everyone around her looked at her as if she was a freak, one more stupid person who was too cowardly to face her problems like everybody else. She found the easy way out; she cut, smoked, drank, she got high, all to avoid her troubled self. Soon that wasn’t enough, her mind obsessed about new ways to hurt herself. Finally she wanted all misery to end. She tried to commit suicide. Plan backfired, not enough pills to take her life away. In her mind, she thought that she was so messed up that she couldn’t even succeed in killing herself. Little did she know that she had just been given a second chance in life. She knew she just didn’t want her life.

She didn’t deserve to live; a person who wants to end his or her own life shouldn’t be around. Somebody else could be taking her spot, someone who deserves the virtue of life. Not her, so she thought. After such a long time of depression and frustration, her mentality changed. She started to realize that she didn’t need to cut every time things went extremely wrong. She had beaten this disease!

She discovered her own cure. She opened up to her wonderful friends, she came out of the dark hole she had been hiding in. She went out, had fun and she dated one of the most amazing people in life. He made her life worth living. She was the happiest by his side. Things didn’t work as she expected. She loved this person from the bottom of her heart but something wasn’t right. Although she felt as if she was missing a part of herself, she did not cut. She cried endlessly, but she learned how to control her anxieties to hurt herself. Although temptation is always around she has manage to avoid it by doing what she loves best….

I have to thank all the people who stood by me and didn’t give up on me, even when all hope was lost. They truly became my inspiration. They gave me faith in believing that no matter how hard something is you have the power to overcome it. I am now a person who has an open mind to everything in life.

I always had it in me to pick myself up, I just needed someone to guide me through. I was in need of love and friendship. Yes friendships fade away, but the memories that I kept with me keep me going. As you grow you understand that friends come and go, but your own life is only lived once. I now have the security to deal with anything life throws my way; and I only need myself to accomplish all goals.