Sex and Love Intertwined

Ashley - Albuquerque, New Mexico
Entered on May 1, 2009
Age Group: 18 - 30

Sex and Love Intertwined

The first time I had sex I thought it was completely overrated. The entire process was uncomfortable, awkward and painful. I guess you can say I built sex up to be something that it turned out not t o be. Most girls that were going through the same thing described it as something else. They all thought that their first time was something great. I was just happy that it was over with.

The worst thing ever is bad sex. No sex is better than bad sex. I think most people can agree with this statement. At some point I even decided that all sex was bad sex. In fact, I never even had an orgasm with the first three people I had sex with. It is probably different for males but with females, an orgasm is not something that just happens. Going through those experiences honestly made me not that interested in the opposite sex. I had friends but for the most part I was pretty independent and busy with my own hobbies and interests. I figured that getting in touch with yourself and learning more about yourself was worth more than trying to find other people that interested you. Everything seemed to be going well until I met the first guy that I ever cared about. He was shy, smart and had the driest humor out of anybody I knew.

The sex was amazing. I was nervous all of the time. My nervousness mixed in with my excitement. The memory of having my first orgasm is probably a memory I will never forget. I didn’t even know how to handle it. It was like a steady hum that slowly crept up on you until you could no longer hold it back. I lost my breath and laughed out loud all at the same time. After all was said and done things didn’t work out and I learned what it felt like to be cheated on. I realized that sex was a very complicated thing. I felt like I gave up a part of myself and it was not given in return. The dishonestly of the situation really upset me. It took me awhile to accept that letting people into your life wasn’t always such a bad thing even if the end result disappoints you. Sometimes you have to go through these experiences to find someone that you can really trust. I believe that sex is about love. But I’m not naïve enough to believe that everyone believes that.

Loving someone isn’t something that is easy to come by. A sexual encounter is something that is available at a much more accessible rate. For me, the two are intertwined. This makes the likelihood of meeting someone that is worth sharing anything with very unlikely. I choose this way though because sex is very personal for me. And it’s not something that you can just give away and receive without a thought. I guess you could call it having self-respect.