Fall of Faith

Kaitlyn - Shawnee, Kansas
Entered on April 30, 2009
Age Group: Under 18

There have been times in my life when I haven’t really believed that God was there for me. Times when it seemed like everything was just going wrong. Having the feeling that a giant wave was crashing down around me, constricting my airway with no way to escape. This happened to me last year, towards the end of eighth grade following into my first year of high school.

Over the past three to four years, six of my family members have been diagnosed with cancer. Out of those six family members identified with this tragic sickness, I have lost two. All cases have been extremely hard on my family. It seemed like news just kept coming at me in every direction possible. It was like there was no end to my nightmare.

In May of 2008, I was told that my Great Grandma Brown had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She was around 86 years of age and was very petite. The doctors started giving her chemotherapy. Only the doses weren’t as strong because of her small body mass. Soon after she started the treatments, the doctors came to realize that the medicine was not helping by any means. Instead it was taking her life faster. Grandma seemed to be dwindling away within a short amount of time. I was told that her life would soon come to an end. I longed to see her one last time before she would leave this life forever. I asked my mother to see her. She stated that we would visit her as soon as possible.

Before long, my mom, sister, and I were traveling to visit my grandmother. When we arrived, my aunt was keeping her company. She told us that Grandma Brown had been having a really good day. As we walked into her tiny room, I noticed her Bible and bookmark lying on her bed stand. The instant she saw us walk in, her face lit up with joy. Her physical appearance seemed different then the last time I saw her. She had no hair, her body seemed diminutive and extremely frail. Although she was weak, her personality and will was strong. She began telling stories of when my mother was a little girl, and what it was like growing up on the farm. The entire time I couldn’t help but think why God was taking such an amazing person away from my family.

After an hour, her physical therapist came to work with her. My mother decided it was time for us to leave. I didn’t want to go and leave her in pain. I wished to stay and listen to her enchanting stories. I yearned to know more more about her before she was forced to leave. Before exiting the room, holding back tears, I hugged her knowing it would be the last time I would see her for a while.

As I started pulling away, my cross necklace fell out of my shirt. It was dangling from my neck. Seeing it, Grandma grasped it in her hand. She looked at it as if she were in a trance. After just a moment, she looked straight into my eyes and said, “This is a very beautiful necklace.” It was as if she had become a different person than five minutes ago. I felt like she was trying to tell me something important. Then it hit me. God was telling me that she would be safe.He was going to take good care of her. That’s when I knew; everything was going to be alright.

This act of God’s grace helped to show that He will always be there for me. Whether I’m going through the worst times, or possibly the best. In the end God will always be there to pick me up when I fall.