The word believe means to accept something as true or to have faith in something. The second part of the definition makes me think. I know that I have faith, but is it as complete as it could be? I believe in God, I have faith in God, but how much do I show that in my every day life? I think that to truly live the life of a “believer” that I must accept myself as much as I accept God. To have accepted something, you first must have had trust and confidence in yourself. To truly be convinced by something, you must have self-confidence, patience, and information. I believe that faith and belief in God is totally connected to faith and belief in myself.
Belief and faith are not easy to achieve. I am only 15, but already these things have been tested in my life. When my parents first divorced, I was angry. I couldn’t understand why God would do such a terrible thing to my family. I was mad at God , and during this time, I felt unsure about believing and having faith in a God that would break up my family. It took a lot of time and a lot of prayer to understand that God doesn’t work that way. I now know that belief and faith have to be just as strong in good times as in bad. It’s easy to have faith and believe when everything in your life is going great. Its during times of sadness, loneliness, and fear that belief and faith are truly tested. I know that there will be many more times in my life when these tests will come, and I think I will gain confidence and strength with each new experience.
For me, faith and belief in God came much easier than belief in myself. God has been a part of my whole life; there was never a time that I didn’t believe in Him. Belief in myself has not been that easy. I have always had problems with attention and focus, and I have never been organized. This has made school really difficult at times and when you are getting bad grades and losing things all the time confidence is hard to achieve. This year, however, has been different. I have gotten alot of help from all my teachers, my mom has helped me, and I am starting to get better grades. At the beginning of the year I didn’t have many friends, and I was depressed. I kept praying for God to help me through, but I didn’t believe in my heart that I could succeed. Without faith in myself, my faith in God started to be weaker too. That’s when I realized that there was a connection. I think a good example would be that a person is like one of those cardboard puzzles that kids put together. When all the pieces are there and in place the puzzle is one solid picture, but if there is a piece missing, the whole thing is shaky and unclear. I feel that my “puzzle” is coming together and all the pieces are starting to fit.
There was a time a few months ago when I saw a true example of what I was starting to feel inside. I was wrestling for Saint James and we were at a meet where there were about thirty schools from the area. I was not having a very good day, and had lost my first match without scoring many points. I was feeling insecurte and definitely not confident as I waited for my second match. At one point I looked across the gym and saw a kid waiting to go onto the mat for his match. This wrestler stood out, though, because he didn’t have any legs. His legs only went to his knees and it looked like this was something he had been born with, maybe a congenital deformity. I watched as he pulled himself out into the middle of the mat. I couldn’t understand how he was going to be able to wrestle when he couldn’t even look his opponent in the eye. The match started and it was unbelievable. He was so focused, and he had a real look of confidence that showed with every move he made. He didn’t win his match, but he scored ten points, and when it was over, he shook hands and smiled at his opponent. You could tell that he loved to wrestle, but more than that, you could see that he believed in himself and his abilities. If someone with a disability could get out in front of hundreds of people and do what seemed impossible, why couldn’t I? I will always remember that wrestler, and I hope that the image of him that day will stay with me forever.
I know that my future will have many obstacles that will test my beliefs. I know that I will not succeed at everything that I try to do. I know that I am not perfect, and that I will make a great deal of mistakes along the way. I know that my ”puzzle” may need some adjusting along the way as I try to keep all the pieces where they should be. With all of that, however, I know one thing most of all. I know that in my heart, my belief in God and my belief in myself will stay connected, and that neither one will survive without the other. I will be able to get through the toughest situations and most difficult times because of the beliefs that I have inside. This I believe.
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