Holding My Head Up High

Hannah - Bedford, New York
Entered on April 30, 2009

Ever since I was in fourth grade I never cared what other people thought about me. I wore whatever I wanted, and I was totally happy with myself. I knew I had so much more to offer than what clothes I wear. I was smart, funny, a good friend, and I was definitely not ugly! That all made me feel like it didn’t matter what I wore. It’s the inside that counts. The best part was that nobody cared about what I wore either. I had family and friends who loved me, and that made me feel like nothing else mattered. And I was happy and confident with myself!

Throughout sixth grade, I saw what other people were wearing. Designer clothes and clothes that are extremely expensive that, to me, weren’t even worth it. It was confusing to me, I would always think, “why would girls where those clothes if they cost $100 and more and they weren’t even out of the ordinary” Although, that didn’t bother me, I was happy with all my “un”designer clothes. Sadly, after a while I started thinking, “is there really something wrong with me and the clothes that I wear?” I mean everything that I wore, just happened to bother almost EVERYONE!!!!!!! Sometimes when that started to bother me I would think, no I’m much better than them, but of course I know that’s not right, I usually would just ignore them. I would just hold my head up high. It didn’t matter! That’s the attitude I kept throughout 6th grade. Confident and happy for whom I am.

Well the beginning of 7th grade is a different story. I got to school and I was so excited to see my best friend that I hadn’t seen all summer. So when I got to school and saw her, I was about to jump for joy. When my mouth finally opened to say hi, I realized that she obviously didn’t want to see me, she even decided to turn around just so she didn’t have to say hi to me. I felt like I was the most depressed person in the world after that. When I got home that day, I was sad, but at the same time I was extremely confused. So after that I decided to call her. When we had a long conversation, she finally got out what she was feeling. She really thought I was weird. She thought I was a loser because of the way I acted and dressed. I wanted to cry. More like I needed to cry. My best friend just told me I was weird. So I did cry, and cried. Until I decided, this is stupid, what kind of friend would say that to me? Of course a bad one so. I decided to let her go, because she wasn’t worth it. Then later that day she called me and of course, she apologized. And she let me know that I’m not really weird, I just don’t care what other people think and that’s a good thing. That made me stop and think… maybe she’s right, it is a good thing, and it’s always going to stay that way.

The next day I went to school with all of the confidence in the world. So I walked in, stepped up to my locker, turned my head to say hi to a friend. Then right behind my friend, there was another girl with her friend, just hanging out and talking, it didn’t bother me, until I saw the way they looked at me. Looking me up and down with this awful look, pretty much saying, “what is she wearing?” My friend told me to ignore them. She told me that there are girls like that ALL around, and I can never change that. Then I thought. THAT IS SO RIGHT. Every grade there is someone new who keeps making fun of me. And I don’t care anymore, I mean why would I? They are so mean and I don’t care about it. It doesn’t bother me at all.

It really all comes down to this. I never really cared what people thought about me. It’s so funny to think that people can be so mean, but they really can. I will never let them push me down. All of us will always have our ups and downs in this world. But that’s how I will learn. I will always stay strong. This I believe.