A Life without Dad

Cassandra - Las Cruces, New Mexico
Entered on April 30, 2009
Age Group: Under 18

I believe in trying.

I never knew my dad because he left my family when I was just a year and a half old and my brother was turning eight months. My mom tells me stories about my father and how she never wants my brother to turn out like him, and how she doesn’t want me to be like my aunt who is his sister.

The only reason for this is because my dad used to beat my mom, cheat on her, and he still uses and sells drugs. My aunt was always on the street corner, and by the time she was fourteen, she had three abortions.

Now I try to have a relationship with my father and his family, but they always lie to me. My granny April and my half brother Damien are the only ones I can trust because they have never lied to me the whole time they have known me.

My mom keeps track of all the times my dad has made contact with me. Out of thirteen years he has called me thirty-two times, sent three cards, and visited me once. But I believe that if you want something so bad, you should try to work for it. However knowing my dad, he doesn’t care. He wouldn’t want my brother or me even if his life depended on it. He couldn’t even keep his own son Damien because he would always beat him.

My mom and my step-dad try so hard to make sure my brother and I get what we want, but most of the time they can’t because they just can’t afford it, even though my mom’s a nurse. I help my family out all the time because I am the oldest. I try so hard to help them raise money by babysitting and whatever else that is needed to be done.

When it comes to money, my dad buys drugs and alcohol when he should be paying child support. Between my brother and me, he owes my family thirty-eight thousand dollars. I didn’t know that was possible to owe so much.

Right now I live with my step-dad, mom, and brother. We live in a trailer in Las Cruces, New Mexico. My real dad lives in a basement in Richmond, Virginia at his friend’s house. And he wants me to go live with him. I don’t think so. I’d rather live here in Las Cruces with a family who loves, cares, and tries for me, than to live with him not giving a dang about me or what I do.

So here I am sitting here wondering about how life would be for me if I was with my dad instead of my mom. Would I still be me or the person that he is? And right here, right now, I finally believe, love, and I am happy for who I am.

Only because… I TRY.

‘ By, Cassandra Hill