Elbert Hubbard once said, “Love, we say, is life but without hope and faith, love is agonizing death.”
November 12th 2000- Today is my little brother’s birthday. He’s turning one. Today I have a feeling something bad will happen, something unchangeable. Then it happens. Upstairs, glass shatters on the floor. I run. There is my grandpa peacefully lying on his bed. His cold hand half open where his glass of water was just a minute ago. The warm cozy feeling drips out of me, leaving behind a cold hard feeling I’ve never felt before. I just want to scream and cry and beg for him to come back. But a ball like feeling in my throat is blocking everything from spilling out of my mouth. He is sleeping and will never wake up. He is gone forever.
Since then, grandpa has been in everyone’s in my family’s dreams, talking to them, Laura, Ryan, Mom, and Dad, Grandma… but never mine. I want him in my dream so I can talk to him and be with him for the first time in almost 10 years. In Laura’s dream, it was a foggy day. She, grandpa and Mary (the mother of Jesus) were on a boat in the middle of a lake, no land in sight. All you could see was the objects on the boat. Suddenly both of the other passengers were at Laura’s side. They hugged her warmly like she had been gone forever. Then they said “Laura, you’re a very special child. You will go far. We love you.” As if they were in a hurry, they just vanished, leaving a shocked face behind. The face of the one that will remember this moment forever, like it actually happened. When Laura told me her dream, I felt happy for her. It also made me and everything around me feel peaceful and everything just went away while I was just trying to picture the dream I’ve always wanted.
I believe he will come in my dream one night realizing how long I’ve been waiting. I do believe in the strong power of dreams that keeps me entertained all night, but that is not what I want. I want to see Grandpa for the first time in almost ten years. I want to hear his voice. I want him to talk to me. I want to be with him forever. I want him to know I miss and love him.
The day he died, I felt stupid that I didn’t see it coming. He was always an inspiration to me and I hope I live almost like he did; a peaceful, fun, exciting, and inspirational person. I miss his stories and tickles that made laugh so hard, I couldn’t breathe. But I know that the things I miss are not too far away. He will be in my dreams sooner or later. This I believe.