Don’t Live in the Past…But Don’t Forget It

Ben - Denver, Colorado
Entered on April 29, 2009

There was a time when I believed that eventually, all things can be forgotten and forgiven. I still believe today that I must move forward in my life, and not dwell on past hardships, treacheries, and sad times. However, if I am to move forward and not make the same mistakes again, I need not associate myself with those who have wronged me. I feel both optimistic and a bit pessimistic about what I believe, but I believe two things nonetheless: 1.) life is indeed way too short to allow the past to run or ruin my life, and 2.) life is also way too short to spend time trying to reestablish a relationship with some one who has the capacity to hurt me so deeply.

I began dating the only woman I have ever loved when I was only a freshman in college. This relationship, although volatile at times, lasted over six years and through multiple stages of my life. I left the city in which we were living, as I was not happy there, wanted to travel, and simply wanted to do some things on my own. After all, I was only twenty four years old at the time. In other words, I was not ready to settle down and get married, and she, being two years older, was ready to make that transition in her life.

When I left that city, we were still very much in love, and we left on good terms. It was sad, but the truth was that we were at different stages of our lives, and it just wouldn’t have worked. Before leaving, I sat down in the apartment of our best friend who had lived with us in that city and pleaded the following: I know I am leaving, but please take care of her. I still care about her a great deal, and just want to make sure that she is ok and treated well, etc.

Less than four months later, that “best friend” began sleeping with my ex, his form of looking after her I guess, and they are now living together. Yesterday, I saw her for the first time in over a year. I must say, I still care a great deal about her well-being and want her to be happy. I also realize that if he is not happy, then she cannot be. So, I will not go forward and be sad and full of hatred, as I put this situation behind me some time ago. But, this I do believe: Because her happiness is largely dependent on him, I do want him to be happy, for her sake. But, I have no intention of being his friend, nor will I care about his well-being if his relationship with her ever comes to an end.