“ ..it takes more bandages than there are scratches in a broken heart.”
“…to expect the unexpected.”
“..being an optimistic person locks doors of unwanted statements and can guide you to positive memories”
Who knew an optimistic person could get hurt. I wasn’t used to being the one pushed away, therefore growing up I was the one being loved and my love for others would share just as strong. Beginning relationships such as friendships was another story. Just when I became close to a friend for some odd reason I would push them away as if I wanted nothing to do with them. My thoughts would race throughout my mind, but it had never occurred to me that I was rejecting another’s feelings. Digging a hole in there heart, shedding tears as if they were rain.
In my eyes, I was known as the storm in the sky , pleasant and beauty at first, but unexpected to create a disastrous storm. I believe my personality took over as a outgoing angel and convinced others the opposite of what I really could accomplish. The surprise break of the friendship, would always be my solution. This continuous habit of pushing people away would be in comparison to an emotional tornado from the storm I formed within them. I was clueless, clueless to know how I made others feel, this symptom took over me, but that’s how I wanted to be. I prevented a storm of my own and soon enough I wasn’t referred as an angel anymore.
Although I have been hurt quite a few times, with the example of being placed down to hear my parents getting a divorce, was my thought of rejection towards one another. Of course not me, I was still accepted. Their commitment had ended with the rejection of one another being together. My siblings and I were always still in the picture always accepted, there wasn’t a doubt we wouldn’t be let go. All my life the hatred and rejection I have witnessed was not upon me it was between and only on other people.
This made me realize a thought like no other, I as in myself was afraid of being hurt. Attempting to get close to anyone, my feelings would take over as if I had multiple sucrose’s. This again would result to rejection. My only solution to avoid a storm of my own.
Although I know nothing about love, I have seen it through many situations such as movies, plays and family. I would label myself as an observer. I’ve seen break ups, divorces and hatred for one another, which is why my belief is to reject, to prevent myself from being rejected first. At one point, a close friend tried to make me realize that taking chances can lead you to greater things as well. By observing the positive affects within relationships my trust towards one another had changed me. Opening up to others was fairly strong, but always weak along the edges as I have witnessed several things. I took the first few steps and started a relationship of my own. As the years went by, I have realized that making mistakes was a human characteristic, no other can escape, but the repetition of these mistakes I know can be un healthy. Surprisingly, I was unprepared for the results, but knowledgeable to know what was going on. This man would lie to make things last, and make me believe things would get better.
Growing up being the observer, I knew how to place myself in others shoes, I learned how to react in certain situations and I taught my self to be aware of my surroundings to expect the unexpected yet why was I so surprised. I have much hatred for this man to breaking my heart for what we had or what I tried to make it be, was untrue. The true fact about it was he made me believe in someone he claimed to be. A fake, would be the definition. Many negative expressions had ran through my head, confused to decide which path to take, I had never experienced such decision before. I was always the one to reject, but in this case I was at last rejected myself. Although he created his own label as the enemy towards my point of view, I had slight the respect for him as he created my own storm I had never experienced. A storm that was beautiful, to make me realize another lesson, it takes more bandages than there are scratches. Along with the advice, expect the unexpected.
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