My Precious Reward

Merari - Central Falls, Rhode Island
Entered on April 28, 2009

I believe I can be a good mother and I know that I will not screw up like I have done before.

In the past I have always given up when I couldn’t do something or reach one of my goals. At the beginning of the year I decided to pass my senior year with A’s or B’s at least. That’s what I thought. By the end of the first quarter I wanted to give up and drop out of high school because I thought I couldn’t make it through the whole year. I wanted to quit the first quarter because I thought that I wasn’t good enough to keep trying my best and not graduate.

When my grandparents died, I felt hopeless because they helped me with everything. They were my strength to succeed in life and to become someone important, someone that my parents and other family members would be proud of me. Making my parents proud was my goal. Doing what they wanted me to do was important. However one day it hit me that it wasn’t worth making others proud and happy if I wasn’t happy with myself.

In a few months I am going to become a mother. I am going to give birth to my first baby. I am afraid that I might want to give up in the middle of giving birth to my baby. I want to be a good mother and a great example of not giving up in life. My goal is to teach my baby how to be strong in every decision that he makes. One great example that I have is my boyfriend. The goals that he has achieved it have taken him a long and hard time, but he has made it through.

Having my boyfriend by my side has helped me in many ways: for example I am in my twenty fifth week of pregnancy and I am still in high school. When I found out that I was pregnant I thought, “oh my god, now what am I going to do?” Am I going to be able to finish high school and walk the stage with my big belly? What are people going to say about me being pregnant and walking the stage pregnant? What am I going to tell my parents? I had a lot of questions, questions that I had to find the answer to, along the way. Giving up was my only way out. It sounded easy to walk away from my problems which I thought were big, bigger then a dinosaur or maybe a whale or even bigger. “Having a baby is not easy but he is here in your stomach and there is no way that you can walk away from it. You can’t just give up on your first baby. I promise you that I will be by your side in every single step of your pregnancy. I won’t let you down but promise me that you won’t let me down or the baby.” These were the words of my boyfriend when he saw me crying and wanting to give up. He knew that it wasn’t easy and that it was not going to get easier but he was there with me by my side to support me.

I believe when I see my baby grow up I will be proud of my decision and I won’t let my baby down. Giving up is easy, regretting it is easier, but making the right decision is hard. In a few months I will give birth to my baby. Having my little angel in my arms will be my biggest and greatest reward for not giving up.