Experiencing those times that give us more joy and happiness than we can shake a stick at are some of the most memorable. However, there are those experiences that bring us more than a truckload of grief, which also can stay vivid in our minds for a life time. Throughout life we go through those ups and downs and the “in-betweens”. What some don’t realize is that without the roller coaster, we could never know what pure happiness or true sadness actually mean.
My grandpa died a few years ago. I remember this particular time… I would always beg my grandpa to take me for a horse ride. We would go outside to the tack room. I can remember the smell of the leather, the entire room smelled like saddles. I remember being lifted onto Icey, the horse we rode, the sound the saddle made when you got on is indescribable, it didn’t crack or creak… there just isn’t a certain way to sum it up in a word. As we rode, I can only remember the thought of being tall, and it was really scary to feel the horse moving beneath me. My grandpa and I would ride in the riding arena for a while; I would get to brush Icey for a little while and then Grandpa and I went back inside. I see pictures today of my grandparents and me, not only does it help bring around some of the happiest memories of my life, but since he died, the pictures also remind me of the day he passed away.
Grandpa was seriously ill, he had cancer. One night Grandpa had been coughing up blood and wasn’t doing well. My grandma had given my grandpa her blessing to pass on, she said everything was going to be okay. Then next morning, we had gotten the call from my mom saying that he didn’t make it. So after a long hard fight it was now his time to go. During the car ride over, I couldn’t say anything, but for some reason I just could seem to cry. I believed I was an extremely emotional person, I didn’t know what was wrong with me.
After we arrived at the hospital, there was my grandpa’s body still on the hospital bed. It was still. He wasn’t there anymore, my grandpa was gone. At that point, I guess once I had realized that he really wasn’t there, I just began sobbing. It even still hurts to type this now, tears dropping with every letter pushed. The only thing I could think of, and still till today regret, is that I never said “I love you” before he died. I never told him how much I really did love him with all my heart. Every single day after that, every time I see my grandma I tell her how much I love her because I don’t want to make the same mistake. Every moment in life really does count.
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