Live YOUR Life

Carrie - Johnstown, Colorado
Entered on April 22, 2009

Live YOUR Life

Most people want to live THEIR own lives. If you let other people pull, push, and prod you around, you’re not really living your life. Your becoming what other people want you to be. This can happen in the simplest of things like clothes, attitude, and activities you do. You may not notice it now, but these things are most likely happening to you now, and you need to live YOUR life.

Ever since I first started school, I have based what I do more on the academic side rather than on sports or fashion. Things that other kids might call “dorky” or “nerdy” are things that I like to do. I haven’t always worn the most fashionable clothes, been very athletic, or had much interest in the same kind of music as other people. These are all of the things that let my life to be controlled by other people and interfered with me living my life. Although it wasn’t clear at first, I have come to believe that you should live YOUR life and to not let anyone else control you.

I participate in Odyssey of the Mind, Brain bowl, band, and I go to youth group every week at church. If and when I mention one of those things to someone, they may snicker or smirk. Also, my fashion sense didn’t really fit in, so I dressed like everyone else to “blend in”.

I became part of a collective. I was acting, dressing, and talking the way people wanted me to. I was no longer Carrie Eileen Proctor. Now, I was just a figure with familiar face.

I’m not sure exactly the moment I realized just what was happening to me. Maybe it was when my best friend said she would always support me no matter what choices I made. She told me the best I could be was to be myself and not something that forces me to be like other people. Or when I started to go to church again and we talked about self expression. My youth pastor said, self expression was to act ourselves. To wear the clothes we liked, to listen to the music I wanted to and so on. But I do know I realized unless I wanted to become a robot, I needed to live MY life and not let what others do influence the choices that I would make.

Finally, I broke free of my chains that had been holding me back. Now I could make the choices I wanted to without wondering what others might think about them. I could once again see my whole self standing in the mirror, instead of just a shadow.

Now any words or expressions don’t bother me. My friends accept me for me and we don’t influence each other in a negative way. We all live our own lives. From all of this I have definitely learned to not be controlled and to live the life I want to.