Talking Heads

Matthew - Los Angeles, California
Entered on April 22, 2009

Everyone has a rule or a way that they live by which explains how they go about daily life or how they live through the rough patches that the world throws at us. I, myself had my fair share of rough patches throughout my short life but have always had something to go to, to redress my anguish.

Whenever I wanted to breathe and think about things that made me despondent, I would always step outside my apartment and wander aimlessly around the complex. I would walk past the community room where all of our tenant meetings would take place and see it full of younger children working on homework and arts and crafts. I would walk past our computer lab where usually the older teens were socializing on the web. Sometimes I would go about this route unnoticed. You can imagine how melancholy this scene sounds, imagine living it. Occasionally I would poke my head in either room and receive “his” and “byes” from the fellow tenants and friends. These were the days I didn’t want to bother my best friends because they had their own problems to deal with. Hard as I tried not to talk and bring them down I would often call to vent. Some days were just too hard to go at it alone.

Then there were the days where I would tease and mess with a neighbor of mine. At the time, I had only really seen her as a friend from my apartments, she would often take the time I was wasting walking around the complex and turn it into a good time. I remember always provoking her into chasing me all over the place; I guess you could say that we had somewhat of a love/hate relationship. Some days we’d get along fine and laugh constantly, and others I would get her mad and she would go home crying. As time passed we talked more and more and I hurt her less and less, but I still kind of bullied her. We talked about music and our friends mostly, but only until I had really put aside my arrogance is when we were able to really talk.

I noticed that most days I was hoping for her to come out so I could vent about stuff that had happened, stuff about my life, my problems. She had seen me in some of my weakest times, and she had never once judged me for my beliefs and feelings. I started to treat her more as a friend first and a neighbor second. I put her through the hard times in my life and she only pushed me to continue trying and never to give up. When I was negative, especially about myself, she always had a kind word to say to me, usually that contradicted my previous negative comments.

She devoted a lot of time to me and never really asked for anything in return. After that, I realized, sometimes you need to talk, it helps release the demons that you retain from life and its tribulations. Talking and venting I was able to become a better person and an even better friend to this special girl. My packed mind, the reason for all negativity, was soothed by this girl. Minds racing, the body can only take so much without crashing. I was prevented, and I was saved just by talking.