I’m Afraid

Giselle - Los Angeles, California
Entered on April 21, 2009
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: fear

Fear, is it a good thing? Is it a bad thing? Fear is a “frenemy,” which is a fake word that describes a friend and an enemy at the same time. I don’t want to live in fear, but it’s good to keep fear close because it motivates me to get over it. I like to take the paths in life that aren’t so hard for me, because I know that once I get across that path that symbolizes fear , I will become stronger and I won’t be afraid any longer. Still fear has robbed me of a big part of my life. How can I live if I don’t have my own life? I fear that I won’t be accepted because I’m not pretty enough or because I’m not considered to be in the “in” crowd. That’s what fear has made me think. I’m afraid because a part of me wants to be part of the “popular” crowd but at the same time I just want to be myself. I’m so confused but I won’t let that scare me.

When I was in the 8th grade, my friend told me that one of her friends thought that I was mean. I was really shocked because back then I was really shy. I couldn’t believe that she had judged me before she even knew me. I don’t ever remember giving anyone a reason to think that I was mean. I didn’t talk to a lot of people, not because I didn’t want to, but because I was afraid to.

I won’t let that fear bring me down anymore. I have come to realize this because of my friends. My friends aren’t afraid to show who they truly are. They don’t let people affect the way they live their life. If someone isn’t feeling right to them, they are not afraid to state their opinion. I know I could have that type of strength in me, but I just have to let it out. I’m tired of hiding behind fear. I won’t let fear’s chains bring me down any longer. I’m ready to show my true colors. I just want to be me.

One of my best friends, Karina Maeda, isn’t afraid to be who she is. She is very studious and intelligent. This one time she went to Knott’s Berry Farm, a theme park we love to go to. She didn’t go alone though. She took her books. Whenever she’d be waiting in line for a ride she’d whip out her book and start studying. Strangers would make fun of her, but she didn’t care. She knew that it would help her in the long run. She doesn’t care that she isn’t a “conformist.” That’s why I look up to her: she has never been afraid to be herself.

So in the end I know that the fear is always going to be beside me, but only so I can make myself a better person. I’m trying to overcome that fear. I won’t be that girl who isn’t afraid to speak her mind or isn’t afraid to do what she feels is correct. Even though I will always be challenged to do something that I’m not familiar with, I know that it’s just a matter of time when I won’t let fears overtake my life.