Sticks and Stones

Maria - Los Angeles, California
Entered on April 21, 2009

Sticks and Stones

For a long time I was insecure and always worried about how others saw me. This happened mainly around the time I was in 6th and 7th grade.

Even though I didn’t “have a reputation” yet, I still worried and tried hard not to get one. Playing it safe wasn’t any fun at all. So maybe I brought all this unto myself.

Then one day during my sophomore year of high school I just thought to myself, “what the hell”, and I did some pretty reckless and stupid things. It happened during the summer thought, so I thought it would all blow over but it didn’t.

Rumors spread about me, people who were once my friends weren’t anymore and still when people asked about my past I admitted to it because I did it and these were my consequences. Even people who didn’t know me or go to my school talked about me. It got annoying.

My belief is “be more concerned with your character rather than your reputation because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are” as spoken by John Wooden. I chose this quote to live by because I know exactly what its saying and it’s the way I feel. After my own ex best friend started telling people I was a whore and cheating on my boyfriend and that quote “people like me never change” I realized there were some good qualities in me, because even after we stopped being friends I never once said anything bad about her or spilt her secrets. I also realized people were going to believe what they wanted to believe and just because I did stupid things it doesn’t reflect me.myself, as a person.

I started looking at the bad things about myself and tried to fix them. I still have some things to work out but I’m getting there. My point is, it doesn’t matter what I’ve have done it in the past, because I’ve changed. I’ve given up trying to get friends by getting justice and trying to get them to see things from my point of view. I am who I am and I don’t need to explain myself or plead my case to anyone. If people really want to be my friend, they’ll ignore what people say and go by how I am as a person.

So I’ve found this quote to be true and even though I have a few close friends, I cherish them a lot for taking the time to get to know me. I still go out and have fun but now I think twice about what I’m going to do.

And if you’re wondering what I did during the summer that got the rumors started, I got drunk and got caught having sex with my then guy friend by everyone at the party. Then my ex walked in and there was a big fight.

I’m comfortable enough to talk about it because I could care less if you think that makes me bad or some other obscene word. I now see it as one more story to tell, no regrets.