Ponds of Addiction

James - chico, California
Entered on April 16, 2009
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: addiction, family

Throughout my adventurous and sometimes crazy life the terrible word of “addiction” has been used a great number of times when talking about my family and its long sad past or my “well held together” family now and it gives me a funny feeling in my gut to say I’m one of the lucky ones. This I believe.

When growing up as fast as anybody could even notice I honestly didn’t have any clue of what an addiction was until I witnessed disastrous decisions my careless dad made and as well as hearing horrific stories about him, but not only my unpredictable dad but my stupid aunt and both of my sisters poor decision making ex husbands. All of these current and former family members either had horrible problems with smoking many packs of cigarettes everyday, drinking every kind of alcohol that is known to human or having a reliant schedule on taking pain pills. Every sunny, stormy or grey day I ask myself “why did they have problems?” “Why couldn’t any of them get help?” “Was their minds and bodies taken over by this machine?” This leads me back to the broad word of “addiction”

Addiction is a sad monstrosity that affects the person with the helpless problem and as well as the ones who have loved that person since the beginning of their life. My well-minded dad is still on this earth because he quit smoking and hardly ever drinks anymore because in a flash of light he knew inside himself he was ruining his life, body and family and couldn’t do it anymore. Sadly my stubborn aunt still has a problem with pain pills and isn’t getting any help, every now and then me and my family will get a distracting phone call from her close neighbor saying that an ambulance has just taken her to the hospital again; hopefully she will see the light one of these days and get help. My sister’s first husband has cut way back on his drinking and is now a successful business man. In my heart, I feel he cut back on his drinking because he didn’t want to turn out like his dad, with getting a great number of DUI’S and having his stomach pumped, I’m really happy for him.

The most current addiction that has taken a toll on my family in the last year is my sister’s last husband, who couldn’t admit to me, my dad and anyone else in this world that he was addicted to pain pills. My sister had proof, and what makes this tangled up situation so bad is that he is the father of my one year old niece. The last thing I said to his face was “Forget You”. All I wanted to do was try to help him, Jim is still struggling with his addiction and doesn’t get the precious time he wants with his daughter because of his addiction and for my sister I feel some days she’s like a balloon that has just been popped with a needle because she has had to deal with this a time after time, but she his hanging in there because she is strong and has a good backbone.

For me I feel I’m very lucky because I can be there for my wonderful sister anytime she needs me. I also feel I’m lucky because I don’t have a heartbreaking addiction that can destroy my family or anyone else even more, I have a smart mom I can talk to at any point in time and feel I can be a thankful leader, as well as knowing what’s right from wrong. In this beautiful and sometime disastrous place, I wish every single person was free of addiction because there wouldn’t be as many teardrops or pain keeping people from living their everyday lives, knowing when it’s time to work and time to play. This life has much to offer wither its good or bad and the last thing I need or anyone else needs is something taken away from them. This I believe.