I believe in motherhood. My mother, the giver of my life but was able to take it away with one puff or one sip, most of the time both. I often find myself being angry with my mother for giving me life and than just taking it away. It’s my dad’s blood that runs through these veins of mine now not hers. She drank like a fish and smoked like a sailor. The doctor’s saved me with a blood transfusion but they lost my twin brother.
If I were to give her a reward I would give her #1 alcoholic or maybe #1 mother for not being there. I never had anything to do with her after I turned four. I remember hiding under the judges’ chair and my sister keeping me warm by starting a fire in the living room while my mother lay passed out upstairs. Those are my memories but now that I am older and on my own I make my own choices and decisions and pray I don’t screw up.
My child looks up to me and I vowed not be like my mother and to be the best mother I can possibly be. When I talk to my mother I let it go in one ear and out the other. Same old same old. Nothing ever new. But when she said that she wanted to quit smoking and drinking I thought I would believe it when I see it.
I started to think about my life and the person that was not there enough was the one that was there the most. Supporting me in everything that I do, I thank her for being the mother that I never had. I will support my mother in this fight to quit.
I believe that if you set your mind to anything you will succeed. It might not be tomorrow or next week maybe not even next month but if you believe in yourself than anything is possible. I set my mind on something and I just do it. Being a single mother and a full time college student is not easy and half the time I want to quit but I don’t let anything stand in my way, it might knock me down but I get up and keep going. I do the best I can do and give it all I got and knowing that my daughter needs me gives me all the strength that I need to be the best mother anyone can ask for , one of which I never had!
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