I believe in Moving on

Alexandra - royal oak, Michigan
Entered on March 25, 2009

I believe in moving on.

When I was only five years old, I watched my mother die as I was holding her in my hands. The Doctor said it was a brain aneurysm. When my dad told us our mother had passed away, my two little sisters started crying. I ran upstairs as fast as I could. I will never forget the look on my mother’s face as she fell into my arms that night. Her funeral was the worst. I remember crawling into her casket and curling up beside her. I thought she was still alive.

My father became a raging alcoholic soon after her death. He threatened to sue anyone who “tried to take us away from him”. After work, he would go straight to the bars. When he did come home, he would be very dangerous. As we got older, he got worse. He became extremely paranoid, controlling, and very manipulative. Nobody would know this except for my sisters and I. He would tell us that if we told anyone that we would get taken away from him, and live with strangers who would never love us.

It is hard now, more than ever, to deal with my dad’s actions. He has looked me in the eye in court. after living with him for 18 years, and announced to the judge that he no longer wants my sisters or me anymore. He told us that he will do everything in his power to make my life “a living hell”, and that my life without him will be miserable.

My life is not miserable. No matter how deeply my dad tries to hurt me, I know that it is best to move on. I have seen how my father has handled his problems, and damage not only himself, but others around him as well. I refuse to deal with my problems the way my dad did.

My sisters have been a major help in the healing process of moving on. We have done everything together since we were little. They are the only ones who truly know my family situation, in large part, the emotional and psychological effects that we all have to face in life because of our father. We saw him slowly deteriorate into nothing as he pushed everyone away from him. Having my little sisters there to take care of made me mature very quickly, i had no time for mistakes, and i thank them for that. If I did not have my sisters, I don’t know where I would be today.

It is hard losing someone you love, but it is even harder to move on from it. I’m not saying that I have forgotten my mother, I will always love her. I have cried myself to sleep many nights, asking god why she left me with my father.

It takes willpower and a lot of strength to move forward, and I truly believe that everybody has the capability of this. It’s your choice, sink or swim. This I believe.