Life ventures into year after year making everyone closer to their good byes to their loved ones. This was one of those years for me; I have come to find out that loss is hard to deal with. Throughout my life I have dealt with many deaths of family members, or many fighting cancer but recently I had someone I truly love and connected with pass away in a different way than all the others. Watching my Grandma die slowly in a hospice center from sever cancer made me realize that dealing with loss is something many need to do in time, and in their own way, in order feel full again. From this situation in my life I have come to believe that I need to deal with death alone. No matter how much family I have by my side and how close of friends I have to support me, I need to find myself a stable stance to deal with death and loss.
I know everyone is “sorry for your loss” and “if you need anything they’re here for you,” but after the first few hundred times those words make you feel even worse. Those words make the reality of change set into my heart, reshaping the space that was just emptied. All the support in the world can’t make me feel healed…time is key and so are tears. Tears are the bad times I don’t want to remember anymore, washing down my face, to escape from my heart to the outside were I don’t have to feel them much more.
It is true that I should be surrounded by my family and friends but in a way that just blinds me from the real truth of the matter-that my best friend, my Grandma is gone. Staying around family pause life for just one instance until I have to go back to reality, leaving my family making more emptiness in my heart. I believe that being alone just to think and cry over my loss stabilizes my heart little by little, and then over time heal the emptiness.
Time is best and with that comes good memories. Love from the past, doesn’t leave or disappear when loved ones pass. Those memories have been imprinted in mine and many others’ hearts and minds never leaving my life till I see her again. My Grandma, with many others, still listens. It may not be in front of our faces but all around us. Life is made up of good and bad times, but one needs to take the bad out to make room for new changes to come throughout life. From this I keep all that was shared with my Grandma and others believing that one does heal on their own. Listen, love, laugh and believe those memories created in the past and future. Use what was learned by them, show others that love still lives within the heart and mind.
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