Since I was a young girl I’ve always been worried about what will happen after I die. Although I do not like to think about this, the thought always sits in the back of my head. I wonder where I will go, will I be happy, will I be with my family and friends, and when my life will end. Sometimes when I was little, I would even cry or have nightmares about the topic. My mom continues to tell me that I shouldn’t worry about it and I should think about the positive things in life. Although my mom’s reassurance has made me less scared at the moment of trouble, the concern still stays present.
When I was four, my grandfather passed away from cancer. Even though I did not get to know him as well as I could, I remember the various touching moments I had with him. When I think of him, I remember him taking my cousins and me out on the boat and as we passed under bridges he’d say “Hide, the dinosaurs are walking over.” I also remember feeding him jello on his bed when he was sick. When I think of him, I recall that he was always the life of the party and was always there to make everyone laugh. When he passed away I was too young to understand what happened, but I wondered why God would take him away from us and why he had to die. Although everyone says he’s in a better place now, I wondered where he really was and if he was happy. Since they had never died, I thought to myself, they really don’t know. Even if I still do not know where he is now, over the years I have concluded that I should I trust that he is in a sacred place and God is taking care of him. The experience of losing my grandfather has made me think and the thoughts echo in my head day to day. This experience and thoughts has made me realized that I should believe my grandfather has an even better life now and is happy. Not only does reassuring myself that he is fine, make me feel better about where he has gone, but also makes me think I will, too, be fine after I die. I believe instead of worrying about where you will be later in life’s journey, it is important to focus on what is right in front of you, stay positive, and trust that God will guide you after you die.
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