Past And Future

Santaza - Greenville, North Carolina
Entered on March 22, 2009

There were many times I wanted to give up because I didn’t have my parents to guide me when I was younger. I honestly didn’t think that I could be where I am today. I believe that I can’t let my past hurt my future.

When I was growing up, there were many times that I would just sit and think about why I had the childhood that I had or why I’d sit up sometimes at night and cry because I can remember the day that changed my childhood forever. I can remember every little detail from this one particular day as if it was yesterday.

This day started off just like a regular day. Me and my siblings would get up in the morning and ask mom to cook us breakfast. Nothing out of the ordinary, well at least that’s what I thought. There was a knock at the door and from that moment on my life had changed. As a child, all I could think about was why were they taking my mom away? I walked across the yard with my grandmother as my siblings followed. I’m crying, they are crying, everybody’s crying. When I got to my grandma’s house, I remember pushing a chair up to the window and as I looked out, I was crying even more. That was when I saw my dad and that was when I realized that my dad was leaving too. I watched him as he was escorted in the house with his head down and his face full of shame. That was the first time I saw my dad cry. That was the day that both of my parents were taken away from me.

As time went by, being embarrassed, I acted like nothing was wrong. I went through school like I had both of my parents around. When in reality, I really felt that I had nothing. I let what happened affect everything about me: my grades, my social life, my attitude, and even my personality. No one would know what was going on unless I told them. I kept things inside when I knew that there was a story that I was hiding. But, the only way that I could get to my future was if I told my story. My past was holding me back from being all that I could and all that I wanted to be.

The point that I am trying to make is that no matter what I went through as a child, I didn’t let it break me. It took some time, but I had to learn that heartache from the past won’t last and that the past can only hurt me if I allow it to. Today, I can proudly say that I will not let my past affect my future.

This I believe…