I believe…

Lisa - Simi Valley, California
Entered on March 15, 2009
Age Group: 30 - 50
Themes: death, family

I believe that losing a child is the most devastating thing a parent ever has to go through. It has been almost 24 years ago that we lost our son, Christopher. He was born with a very rare heart defect, Hypo-Plastic Left Ventricle, which basically is when the left side of the heart is under developed.

The day arrived for us to head to the hospital, we were so happy and excited to be having another baby. Our daughter was born 2 years earlier and she was looking forward to being a big sister. When we arrived at the hospital everything went as planned during the delivery, when Christopher was born, they wrapped him up and handed him to me, one of the most memorable moments in my life. He was beautiful. My husband and I were elated, and could not wait to tell our daughter that she had a new baby brother.

As I was holding Christopher, I asked the nurses why his lips and fingers were kind of blue. They told me that they would have the doctor’s take a look. A few hours later, our pediatrician came by to see the baby; he informed us that he was concerned that Christopher was still a bluish color. Our doctor then called in a few favors, he had 2 specialists from UCLA come out and examine Christopher. Is it possible to have the best and worst day of your life on the same day? The specialists came into my hospital room and told us that Christopher had a very rare heart defect and that he would have to have a heart transplant. We were in complete shock! I went from shock to hysterics in just a matter of moments. This was not possible, this wasn’t happening to us.

It was happening to us and we had a couple options, neither had positive outcomes. We could put Christopher on the heart donor list or we could keep him comfortable and let nature take its course. After talking with family, specialists, hospital staff, and surgeons we made the decision to let him go. Heart transplants at the time, were not successful on newborns, and we could not have Christopher subjected to any more pain than he had already endured with all of the tests. Christopher was transferred into the neonatal intensive care unit immediately.

We were blessed to have Christopher in our lives for five short days, but he will remain in our hearts forever. I will always remember the moment that Christopher left this Earth, my little angel, was staring up into his mommy’s eyes, we were rocking in the rocking chair listening to “You are my Sunshine” playing on his music box that his sister got for him, and he feel asleep, so peaceful, no pain.