Memories in Our Heart

Rachel - Agoura Hills, California
Entered on March 15, 2009
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: death

This i Believe…

I believe that when you loose a loved one or lose something special to your heart, the memory of them becomes stronger, and never forgotten.

Everyone in life goes through something painful. The loss of a family member, a pet, or maybe a loved childhood possession. Losing it makes you stronger and makes the memory of the person or possession live in you forever.

When i was 8 years old, I lost someone who meant the world to me. I lost my great-grandma. She was my best friend. My great-grandma was and still is the greatest person i’ve ever known. Loving, friendly, sweet, respectful, nurturing, these are only a few of her amazing qualities. She was the type of person who would stay up all night making cookies and cakes for the homeless and then at the crack of dawn getting up and goes to church and passing them out. She was known to everyone as a true angel.

It took a long time before I figured out that she had breast cancer. Apparently she had it for a long time, but had it under control. My Mammaw and Poppa, Mom and Dad, and pretty much everyone else in my family knew about it, but because my brother, and I were so young they didn’t want to scare us. So it stayed in secrecy. But one day when my dad got a call from my Poppa, saying she was in the hospital, we knew something was wrong. One night, about 2 days after she was admitted, my mom and dad sat my brother and I down, and told us that, “Grandma is sick., and she’s in the hospital, and the doctors are going to take care of her to make her better.” If only I knew what I do now, that the day she went into the hospital, she would never come home.

From an 8 year olds perspective, when you hear that someone you love is really sick, you immediately think the worst. And as a young girl with ADD, I freaked my self out even more than I should have. Every night I would cry, and say ” Mommy, I want to go to live with Grandma. I want to be with her! I miss her!” My mom didn’t know what to say to me other than dont worry sweetie everything is going to be okay, I promise. And I believed her…

Months went on and my grandma just got worse and worse. But, one day, when I came home from school, my mom told me that grandma was going home. I was jumping up and down. I was crying tears of joy and my mom and dad told me that we were going to see her this weekend, and that Brandon and I were going to stay there for a few days. I was so excited! We got there, and she seemed the same to me. But then the worst possible thing happened. I woke up, in my moms car on the way home. I didn’t understand why we weren’t staying there. My grandma had to go back to the hospital. After that day, i would never get to hug her or talk to her again…

One month went by and as a family we went to the hospital to go visit her. We got in and went up to where her room was. We signed in and then a nurse came up to me and asked me how old I was. I said 8, she looked at my mom and dad, and said,”Im so sorry but she can’t go in. Children under the age of 10 aren’t aloud to go in the rooms, its to risky of the patient getting a cold. Im so sorry.” I didn’t understand what she was talking about. Once she walked away my mom sat me down in a chair outside my grandma’s room, and held my hand and said,”sweetie, im so sorry, but the doctor said that you can’t go in the room. It’s to much of a risk for grandma to get a cold from you.” I burst into tears screaming, ” mommy im not sick! I want to see grandma! my mom gave me a hug and said im so sorry sweetie. And told me to sit here. I sat, and sat, for what felt like forever! The door opened and the nurse said i could stand at the door and say hello. I did, and then she took me back outside, and the last thing I heard my Grandma say was,” Why isn’t rachel in here? i want to see her! NOW! I dont care that i could get a cold, Im dying as it is! I want to see my great grand daughter! Let her in now! What kinda of people are you, telling an 8 year old girl she can’t see her dying grandmother?! ROBERT! Tell them to let her in now!” I couldn’t bare it. She was in tears, screaming, my mom and dad were told to leave, because she needed to calm down. The last time I saw my great grandma, I saw her crying, being held down, screaming “Rachel, I love you! Dont ever forget that! I love you!” those were the last words I ever heard my beloved great grandma say…

2 days later… my beloved great grandma, my best friend… was gone.

Pain is the only way to describe how I felt on that horrible day. Confusion, denial, sadness, all things I felt for a good 3 months after her funeral. On day when we went to visit my grandpa to see how he was doing, i was sitting outside in her favorite chair, holding a bear my dad gave me at her funeral. My great grandpa came out and gave me a big hug, and told me something ill never forget. ” Sweet-pea, i know your sad, and know how much you wanted to say goodbye to Grandma, and you know she wanted to see you to. But she’s in a better place now. She’s not in pain anymore, she’s free, and even right this very second she is looking down on us smiling.(i didn’t understand what he was talking about, so he explained), When people die, there souls go up to heaven, and they watch over there loved ones forever. Grandma is up there watching over you, and all of us. Grandma will always be with you, you just have to look up at the sky, and there she is looking down on you, smiling giving you a hug and a kiss. You just need to know, that losing something loved, makes the memory and love you have for them, live forever in you, and you’ll never forget.”

Many things have happened in my life that are hard. Since the passing of my great grandma. I have lost my great grandpa and my other great grandma ruth, who is on my mom’s side. Of course it was hard loosing them, and the pain never goes away.

but…

Life wouldn’t be life without pain, but the good in losing someone you love, is even though there body is gone, there heart, soul and memory lives on in us forever.And will never be forgotten.

This I believe.