believe in believing

Brittany - plano, Texas
Entered on March 11, 2009

Have you ever been through so much hurt and so much pain that you just stop caring and the important things matter? You wake in the morning and it hurts worse then you did when you went to sleep, a whole other day that you did not ask to be here. It is hard to wake up and feel like you are on the earth just to make trouble and get hurt.

I have gone through things that normal teens don’t go through. I was the happiest person. Since then I have lost hope in everything. Starting with my nanas death, For one I trusted in the lord and I asked for forgiveness when I ever I messed up but I never asked for anything else except on November 21st 2001 that morning my mom woke me up early and took me over to her house with my uncle at that time she was in the hospital. That morning my gut told me that something was seriously wrong and I had a feeling that it was my nana so I prayed like I never prayed before for my nana to come through that door better than how she walked out and I asked for just that one simple thing instead she never came back through that door. After some weeks I forgave the lord because I told myself that she was in a much better pace then she was before. I was the only child then and one day my mom told me that she was pregnant and wow was I excited. I prayed that my mom have a healthy baby I prayed every night for my mom and the baby. Then one night we had plans to go to Babies R Us. I noticed that it was taking my parents a long time to pick me up. An hour after the usual time that they pick me I saw my aunt and then she was acting like everything was so ok that I could tell that something was wrong I stayed over her house for a few hours then she took me home, which was also weird. When I walked in the house, my dad was at the door….weird! I looked in my moms room she was laying there looking drained her eyes were blood shot read. I walked up to her and she started saying sorry for losing the baby, as if it were her fault. Where was the lord when I needed him once again? I prayed that my mom never went that much hurt ever again; it and it happened again a few months later thank god for that…..sike. She had twins not to long after and I really do thank god for that afterwards is when my life went down hill.

Anyways my point I am trying to make is you have to forgive and continue believing in whatever you believe in .You wont make it through life believing in nothing and never forgiving.