I believe I am loved

Chrys - Lawrence, Massachusetts
Entered on March 4, 2009

This I believe….

I believe I am loved. It’s not because of when people say to me “I love you.” It’s because of what they do—for me and with me.

After 31 and ½ years of working in my field, I got laid off last Friday. My job—my career—has been in human services. It’s always been about helping people be as independent as possible. Helping them, their families and friends to understand what their needs are. Helping them to see themselves now that they are in a different position—one where they don’t recognize themselves any more. Well, after being laid off, it took me three whole days to come to grips with it. I found myself actually going through Elisabeth K-bler-Ross’ stages of death and dying. My turn! ‘Something in me has died,’ I told myself. Crying isn’t something I do often, but the times I would well up and run through the horror that I knew faced me! How many times had I heard that most of us live from paycheck to paycheck? In these distressing financial times, the thought of possible bankruptcy, the loss of my house were the tangible things. The intangible was the loss of myself and who I knew myself to be. It struck me that I might never get back to being me. It was while lying in bed this past Sunday, listening to “This I believe….” that I asked myself what I believed. My answer was how loved I am by so many people. It was then that I actually “heard” what people were saying to me—in so many ways.

All the people who supported me—my family, my friends, my colleagues, even my neighbors—all the people who told me to hang in there; all the people who told me how horrible it was and how sorry they were for me; all the people who expressed shock and dismay; all the people who offered to help me in whatever way they could—I was more than touched. Job openings were sent to me; meals were given to me; mentoring was offered to me; I even got an offer to have my mortgage paid for a month if the need came up. It was then that I found myself welling up from the sheer joy of feeling such compassion on my behalf. I am so deeply appreciative of all the love.

What’s hard for me, sometimes, is knowing if the people I love believe I love them. I tell them, and hope that they hear me. What I have come to realize is that it’s very important for me to let them know that it works the same way for them. I need them all to know that I know that they love me.

It has always been a belief of mine that I am a lucky person. But, what my three days brought me to was this—I believe I am loved.