I believe that everyday life is a rough battle between yes and no with no in between answer. Even at times when you don’t even notice, those two words are running around in your head. Those questions are even there if someone just asks for your name, you’re deciding yes or no to answer that question or not. This always happens to everyone, even me.
It was my first year in high school, November 1, 2007. The day went well, I was happy and so was everyone else, until Arabic class came along. My friends and I had decided to play small pranks on people, so one of my friends got dared to throw lollipops at one of the guys across the room, well to make a long story short, she did it. Then when he threw it back, it hit me instead of her.
I was always labeled (until then) a person you could do things to and get away with whatever it is you did, but at that moment, I exploded, it felt like all the anger I crammed inside me was finally let out to roam free. I started to try to calm myself down, but that didn’t work.
Then the thought of violence grabbed me, something inside me was whimpering from fright of it, but the anger heated up, yelling and screaming “ Do it, yes do it!” So I did and it didn’t make me feel any better, all it did was heat up the fire. My actions at that moment had changed my life to the worst, but at least I can control my anger better.
It was that one “yes” that changed it all, I later on was caught in another debate on cutting myself and I’ll give you one guess on the choice I made. I kept doing it until I used a razor that swelled my arm so then I stopped, but even though I did, my anger still roams free inside me, the door that held it in was broken down to pieces and could not be repaired. I had so many of these anger related problems and every time I did, the easy “yes” for my escape was not my answer thankfully. I had learned my lesson then and now.
Whenever my problems come at tight situations, I now know that I should stop and think before doing anything. I should never make a quick answer to a yes or no question; my answer could change my life, even at the times when I don’t even realize it.
If you enjoyed this essay, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to This I Believe, Inc.