At times it seems it’s very simple to criticize people, to demand for your own greedy needs, to complain and whine on your made believe problems, to seek revenge instead of forgiveness, but there is only very few instants in your life when you experience a revelation. Spinning through the countless hours of time, both my insane mind and fleshy body united as a sole soul; the exact moment where you feel like your soul has departed your body. I used to despise going to Sunday, Saturday or any day of the week congregation, and what I disliked the most was the fact that I felt numb, I felt incapable of kneeling down and perceiving that so called “God” that others claim to see, to taste. Nothing much changed for the next few months, where I forcefully dragged myself to the front of the door and pretended not to look at the priest annunciating the words of the holy and unreasonable bible; I intently made myself notice as I walked with the darkest, most distorted clothing I could find. I loved playing the devil, the unwanted child, and my parents hated it, my brother and sister dreads it; I felt in power. It wasn’t long until my plans reverse, went visa versa and completely out of trance; that same cathedral where weekly services were given, where the sinister wine and bleak bread was served, that same place where I felt adrift, loth with my own desolation and feed up with anger towards an ignorant society who blindly believed in the unseen; in that place on a Sunday morning as I searched for an escape route, a sweet, gullible and cheery little child caught up to me, yanked my shirt just enough to make gravity pull me towards her lovely mesmerizing bug eyes. She laced her chubby fingers tightened to the palm of my hand and in a mellow voice she asked me to take her to out to the parking lot where the sun shone with intensity. Once outside, we sat in the stairs and watch the cars drive by; complete silence invaded the air around us but we seemed not to mind the clock ticking as the sky shelter our heads. When we had both gotten familiarized with the rhythm of each other’s breathing as I gazed off into nothingness, she came as close to my face as possible, her petite hand brushing the hair that taunted my face, she softly whispered pure words: “You don’t have to be sad. He wants you here”. At that point my body clash into itself; my set of thought evaporated through my veins and I was left alone sitting in the stairs in front of the heavy dungeon doors of this antique, enormous cathedral watching a minute body skip down the sidewalk, with her hair melodically flopping around and swinging her arms knowing of no remorse, leave the parking lot and vanish into the distance. Today, I don’t know what her intentions were, but they shock me good, they enlightening me with the delicate of her touch; and sometimes, when no one is around, I sit in front of this stairs watching the hours go by and hoping for that small light to come back.
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