And That’s What He Said

Jessica - Houston, Texas
Entered on February 26, 2009
Age Group: Under 18

Everyday was a quiz for me; the environment around me was nifty for the most part. But you know life’s only fair if you see that way. Think positive on life. Of course I did, no matter how bitter my day was, or how snotty some person was acting towards me, I always looked the other way like it never happened.

Ignoring was something I could’ve won a gold metal for. I did it practically everyday when I wasn’t fond of something around me. I was 14 when I had my first “actual” boyfriend and by that I mean he was the first guy that I actually like and held hands with. I was a very blunt person to begin with. I lived by my motto, “Whatever happens happens for a reason,” and I didn’t doubt it. As much as I liked my boyfriend Noel, I was acting like I didn’t care what I did. I never did any hardcore things like sex or drugs. That would definitely crash and burn my reputation, although I acted as if I was immature rebel somehow. I was always insecure on how I looked. I always caught myself saying out loud that my personality stinks and I rarely complimented myself on anything. I guess the way I saw my appearance affected how I would act sometimes. In time, I became that snotty girl I would’ve ignored before.

When Noel and I went out to catch a flick at the theater one day, everything was fine and dandy until I noticed something felt out of place. Like any teenage relationship, there’s bound to be drama lurking around, trying to be found by all these (wannabe adult) teens. I had opened my obnoxiously loud mouth and said, “I don’t feel pretty today.” Snap! Hold up! I think I made a mistake and I knew I should’ve kept quiet. Noel looked at me with stone cold eyes, like one of those ventriloquist dummies, shocked and with blood boiling through his oddly noticeable veins. Sternly, he said, “I know I didn’t just hear that from you.” Trying to kill the moment by looking up at the movie boards, I began to get ready to ignore everything that was about to start. “Nothing, forget what I said hon”, I said uneasily sweet. “Baby, no matter what, you’re beautiful to me. Quit talking down on yourself. Stop acting dumb.” Yikes, he was right. Feeling like a bullet was shot into my heart; I stared blankly into his eyes. “Thank you”, I managed to squeak out with a smile. “I never heard you say that to me”.

From that day on, I saw myself as a girl who started to respect herself, having the motivation every day that I am who I became and I’m grateful for it. I learned to love rather than to dislike; respecting oneself is the foundation that my “house” in me, rests upon now.