It is personal experience that fuels my constant quest towards mediocrity. I lust for mediocrity. I want to be, and this is no pun, the best (at being mediocre). It is the most simplistic goal I have ever undertaken. In its simplicity it is beautiful. This I believe.
It is predeterminism that reinforces my aspirations of grandeur, or rather, my lack thereof. It once worried me that I did not know where I was going or what I was doing or how I was doing it but then I woke up.
It was in waking up that I experienced my epiphany; I rubbed my eyes and realized; I stretched my arms and suddenly realized; I arched my back and suddenly realized what it was; I yawned real big and suddenly realized what it was I had been waiting for: someone to tell me what to do. So I climbed out of bed, put on my big boy pants, and told myself everything I needed to know. This I believe.
It is the comprehensive fifty year plan. This is what I call it. Stick to the plan Stan. This is what I tell myself, which is funny because the comprehensive fifty year plan leaves no room for personal preference nor unplanned action. That is to say, in a roundabout way, no matter what I do, the plan will be fulfilled. Regardless of my action, or more likely my inaction, the plan will come to pass and I will be just where I said I would be, doing what I said I would be, just how I said I would be. This I believe.
It is a comfortable notion, this idea that no matter how horribly astray my actions lead me; it is the same familiar future waiting in the end. To put it simply, it removes me of all liability. This I believe. Is this really what I believe?
There are considerable bags under my eyes. I did not notice until mid afternoon, at which point a friend of mine pointed out that I look like shit. Later, my mom would inquire as to whether or not I had been punched in the eye. I do believe in insomnia, this is true, but to what length am I expected to push myself in the pursuance of my beliefs?
It is Ash Wednesday. There are people I know that went without food today. They fasted, and every coming Friday until the end of Lent they will refrain from eating meat. This will purify their bodies. This they believe. It is believers like this that put my beliefs to shame.
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