I Do What I Want To Do

Susan - Jacksonville, Florida
Entered on February 25, 2009

I believe I do what I want to do. A lifetime is an accumulation of independent actions and consequences. They may be positive or negative and can certainly influence one another either directly or indirectly. At every moment, I am faced with choices. Each of these choices has directed me to exactly where I am now.

When I was younger, I was in an abusive house. I had to decide whether to cave in to the abuse and blame myself or learn to cope with it until I was able to get out. It took much strength and thought to make the choice. Although I was not in complete control of my life, I was in control of my thoughts and I was doing what I wanted to do.

I found myself later in life developing relationships and I made the choice to break the cycles I had been exposed to. I did not want to fall into the pattern that I knew did not feel right. I was doing what I wanted to do and at this point, I was in complete control.

During the times that I did not evaluate my consequences with my choices, I found I was going in a direction other than what I had set out to do originally. Even with these choices, I was doing what I wanted to do at the time. I reset myself back down the path I wanted to be on. Again, I do what I want to do.

The only way for me to know whether my choices are good or bad is to re-assess my proximity to my goals and triangulate the choice, the action, and the consequence. I evaluate the consequences of my choices, though not always in a deliberate or conscious manner. Sometimes I am taken back a few steps because I failed to follow the evaluation process with each choice. However, I am still doing what I want to do.

My lifetime is an accumulation of independent actions and consequences whether they may be positive or negative. Sometimes I am not in complete control of my environment and my instantaneous decisions are merely a means to an end. Nevertheless, when all is said and done, I believe I do what I want to do.