I believe in faith

Margaret - willow springs, Illinois
Entered on February 24, 2009
Age Group: Under 18

Do you know those days when it seems like the world is making a personal attack on you? Those days when everything that can go wrong does, and by the end of the day you can’t wait to go to sleep? I had one of those days last week and after that week I realized a belief I had. I believe that faith can help you make the best out of a bad situation.

Last week, my grandma passed away. My dad told me after I had gotten home from one of those awful days and after I had worked with annoying customers at the bakery after school. Everything kind of went blank. How do you respond to that? My whole family was bearing this giant weight of sorrow that seemed to crush us. I was not looking forward to the wake and the funeral and to make it all worse, I had to go on this Confirmation retreat for church all day Saturday and let’s just say anything to do with church is not usually my idea of a fun weekend.

When I finally got home and had to go to the wake, it was awful. It was a contagious crying cycle that came in waves and there was this somber haze that hung over everyone there to pay their respects. My mom and dad took my sister and I up to the casket, but it didn’t seem like my grandma. Although it was hard to see her body, it wasn’t her. Her fight and her spirit that I defined her with, weren’t there, at least not in that body that lay there. I found it in a little boy named Alex.

Alex is my five year old cousin who was dragged to the wake by his parents and who probably won’t remember any of it in two weeks, but that’s where my grandma’s spirit and fight were. He ran around all night and told my dad the same knock-knock joke for an hour and a half and laughed hysterically every time. He made everyone smile and I knew she was there with everyone and that it was okay to be happy.

I’m not telling this to bring the gloom-of-doom to everyone here, but I’m not a religious person. My family doesn’t go to church every Sunday; we do Christmas and Easter if that. My grandma was an avid church goer and after spending part of the weekend at a Confirmation retreat, my faith felt stronger. I had faith that my grandma was happy and that she was peaceful and not suffering and sick and I saw that faith and the grief of her passing consoled, in the energy and spirit of a five-year old. This faith that she was happy and watching over all of us, helped me get through these days without her and it has helped me realize I have to make the best of what I have and who I’m with. That’s what she would have wanted for me, and that’s what will make her proud.