I used to go to church every Saturday, Sunday and Wednesday. That is how addicted and attached to my church I was. But since I moved to Hawaii in 2008, we have only been to church twice. Twice in almost a year, this was not good for me or anyone in my family because we were just absolutely attached. This had been hard for all of us. Not going to church to praise God on Christmas day, Easter? Insane.
When we finally able to go to church, we went. This was probably around two months ago though. Whenever I stepped into the lights at the church, and heard the others around me singing, praising, lifting up there spirits to God, I could not take it. I wanted to just run outside and fall on the ground and cry. I had felt something inside of me come out and make me feel free, free of everything wrong I had done in my life. But for some strange and bizarre reason, it was a horrible feeling. It made me feel as though everything in my life was a mistake.
Whenever the sermon was over, we left to go home. When we got home I sat in my room and didn’t do anything. The feeling was still inside and I just wanted it to be gone already! I missed my old church, the old days whenever I would go almost every day and there would not be a single thing wrong with my life. I had not done anything wrong, nothing that I regretted at least. But since we moved and haven’t gone to church in forever, I feel as though I have changed. And yes, I do know that everyone eventually changes, but this just want normal. It was though as it was a bad change. And I want to get this changed so badly.
Things that I have learned from not going to church, is such as that god really has made an impact on my life, and without him I would be lost.
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