Through the grace of God
I believe through prayer and the grace of God I have become who I am. I trust God would give me only what I truly could handle, no matter how hard it would be. With faith in my heart I try my hardest to understand the challenges I was to face.
Fifteen years of age, finding out I was pregnant was not a situation I was ready for, or planned. None the less, there I was. I recall feeling extreme alienation from friends and family members. My parents tried to speak to me about the alternatives: abortion and adoption. I suppose that is when I learned to rely on prayer. When I felt a situation was overwhelming and it was going to happen no matter what, that is when I put my frustration and pain in God’s hands. I know it sounds so cliché, but it worked for me. I felt that someone was there who was not judging me. Keeping my son Isaiah was the best thing I could’ve done. Loving him unconditionally was not enough. I tried to go back to school, but it wasn’t like before. Babysitters, homework, staying up late, getting up early, and trying to find someone I could depend on was impossible. I had decided my education was going to have to wait.
It was going to be him and me against the world. I built a strong bond with my son and I fell deeply in love with him. I could never have imagined how special it was to have this beautiful blessing from God. Everything he is and everything he was about to become was going to depend on me. Looking into his eyes warmed my soul and to gaze upon something so special is amazing. The trust he had in me that I would take care of him felt wonderful. I tried to learn as much as I could about being a good parent. No one could’ve told me how scary it can become. When Isaiah was about six months, he got a fever of 104 degrees. This lasted about four days and four nights. I took him to see his pediatrician, but he didn’t seem to know what was wrong and sent me home with my son. The feeling of helplessness overcame me, I didn’t know how to help or comfort him. I remembering praying “Dear Lord, please help my son, please just help him get through this.” I recall thinking I will never have another child. Not because I didn’t want to have any more children, because I never want to see someone I love suffer, and not be able to help make them feel better. On the fifth morning the fever had broke and he pulled through with no problems.
Through many similar situations is how I learned to trust is God and my prayers. I think things could’ve been different without my beliefs.
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