For(ape)giveness

Kari - Green Bay, Wisconsin
Entered on February 6, 2009
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: forgiveness

Forgiveness, most of the time, is an easy concept to understand. When we were younger we had to learn to say, “I’m sorry” after hurting a fellow playmate and as we got older we tried to avoid these situations. Forgiveness is hard when it comes after a morally bad situation. How can you forgive someone for committing a crime against you? This is exactly what I had to learn.

My freshman year of college was like anybody else’s. I had all this freedom and had to learn what that meant. So I went out and partied and had fun. I thoroughly learned who I was. Along the way I met two of the best friends I could ever ask for and a lot of people that would do anything for me. This is where it gets fuzzy.

After a night of heavy drinking I let one of my best guy friends take me home. This guy friend was the innocent, fun loving, trustworthy kind of person and I put all of my trust in him. I remember leaving with him and that’s about it. The next thing I remember is waking up in my dorm room being raped by him. I started screaming and he immediately left. My friends came and got me, calmed me down, and got me to sleep.

The next months were spent trying to drown every memory I had of that night in the bottom of a bottle. I didn’t choose to go to any authorities because he was one of my best guy friends. This was one of the hardest decisions of my life.

A couple months after everything had happened I went to a party and met the person who would help me learn how to forgive. We met through a friend and quickly realized that we went to all the same parties and were friends with all the same people but hadn’t met yet. After the party ended that night we went our separate ways and met up the next day. From then on we were inseparable. Our relationship went very slow because I had lost so much trust in people. The last thing I wanted was to repeat a bad situation. However, over time I learned that I could trust people. He also helped me understand that holding grudges on one situation, or person, let’s these fears constantly dwindle in your mind. In order to be completely free and happy you need to let it go.

A year and a half after everything happened I called up my guy friend and we agreed to meet up. It was the hardest choice I had ever made but it needed to be done. The first thing he did when we met was apologize and without hesitation I accepted. It was the most freeing moment of my life. We talked for a little while after and it was obvious that things were not the same so we went our separate ways. Since then we haven’t talked and we probably won’t but that’s the way things go.