How I Became A Better Person

Charmaine - Chesterfield, Missouri
Entered on February 5, 2009

Ever since I was young child, I’ve always looked forward. Strength has always been with me. I’d never let anyone get in my way or pushed me to turn into something that I wasn’t. I surrounded myself with people who basically drove me right down into the ground. What they were, I wanted to be, sadly. The year went by and I found myself changing, changing into someone that I shouldn’t have become. I began caring about the thoughts of others and what they had to say about me. I’ll never forget the bold attitude that I suddenly had. Why did I change? The changing that I was going through wasn’t even a change for me but it was a change for others. When I was in 8th grade, the old Charmaine was gone; I wasn’t the same person anymore. I’d turned into someone self absorbed, crazy, stuck up; not me. It took me awhile to realize so therefore other people did it for me.

For a while, when this was all going on, I kind of lost people who I thought were my real friends. These past few years have kind of been of been like a cycle with me; first it was being independent in 6th grade, and then never being alone, always with my favorite people. Last, was in 8th grade, independent. I realized how I was changing in 8th grade, that’s why I was independent but in 8th, that was when my life went down the toilet. All of my confidence was lost. My stupid actions, careless and childish, didn’t matter to me anyone. I was a shattered mirror, lost and unable to be fixed. I’ll never understand why I let my personal feelings get involved with my school work. I had most of my teachers thinking that I just didn’t want to do the work, when actually, that was beside the point. Focusing in school became VERY difficult for me. Realizing what was happening to me was very disappointing for me. My life was ready for a change; a change that would help me as a student, a daughter, a friend, and most deafeningly, a sister.