There Are Only Two Kinds of Days

Brian - Portland, Maine
Entered on January 30, 2009
Age Group: 50 - 65
Themes: change, illness

I believe there are only two kinds of days: good days and great days. I believe that any day I wake up is a good day. Any day I accomplish something is a great day. It’s really quite simple, although there are still moments I forget how simple.

I didn’t always think this way. It wasn’t until I found out I had diabetes, and a brain tumor; when I discovered that I had an Aneurysm in my ceratoid artery that precluded operating to remove the tumor, I thought that was a bad day. That was more than eight years ago, I remember clearly how it felt to realize that I was now chronically ill, there was no cure, I would never get “better” whatever better was; for the rest of my life I would be tied to pills and needles and tests and doctors and restrictions.

I was totally devastated, I left the doctor’s office and went to the meditation garden at the medical facility, I was crying, feeling very alone, feeling angry, and honestly, feeling sorry for myself. I called my dad on my cell phone, I told him I was sick, really sick, he listened, asked questions and then at the end of the call he asked one final question: Are you going to be okay?

I didn’t realize it at the time, but that was the small concept that became belief. I told him; yes I was going to be okay. Really what other choice did I have?

I was diagnosed in the summer, over the course of that fall and winter I accepted life with a chronic disease, there were good days and bad days, and just a few great days. In the Spring I decided to buy a new bicycle; exercise helps control blood sugar, and I like riding.

In June almost 1 year A.D. (after diagnosis), I decided to ride in a fund raiser for diabetes, I rode 50 K and someplace on that ride the bad days just disappeared.

Someplace on that ride, I committed to my choice to be okay regardless of the circumstances. Someplace on that ride I realized that every single day is a gift, every day has its joy and trials and wonder and… any day might be my last. During that ride I realized I didn’t want my last day to be a bad day. Quite simply, that’s why I believe there are only two kinds of days, good days and great days…today was a great one.