I just had my 41st birthday. That same day, December 9th I marked 28 years, since I was diagnosed with my brain tumor. My tumor was the remains of my undeveloped twin. (And this twin never got a shot at life; why not?) It has always made me wonder.
When I hit puberty, so did what was left of my twin. My tumor grew to the size of a small orange. I have had 14 operations, over the course of 17 years; 1980-1997. In 1997, I got to spend 6 months, in 4 comas, lose 85 lbs and when I came out of the comas, I had to relearn everything. I have a diagnosed “mood disorder”, which makes life a lot more difficult. I am also living with all kinds of physical problems. I have been on the streets twice, for a period of 9 months and for 3 years. The one thing I learned is that I am me and I am damn proud of what I have made it through. I now see life, with better eyes and I will not waste another second conforming to silly notions, that don’t deal with the realities of life. And believe me, I know, life is a very messy thing.
I remember, when I was first in the hospital, the pastor, from the church my family dragged me to, said to me, “god is watching out for you”. My first thought was, “Well, god ain’t doing such a good job”. And through my time, I had given “god” several shots, to help me; to make my situation better… and I can’t believe that I wasted so much time, on a pathetic “creature”… but, then dawned on me again… everybody is an atheist, at birth… “god” only comes in, when people start manipulating you and getting you to follow what they want. “god” is all about conformity. This world does not need conformists. it needs people, who will fight, for truth. Not the religious lies, I am speaking of real “truth”. I know there are many, who will argue with me, on this, but, I am stating now, I know there is no god and I am not afraid, anymore…
Because this is one thing the religious people want you to feel; fear… and they want you do what they say, when they say it. It does not matter which religion it is. There are all trash.
I am about to have my 15th surgery, next month. I am ready. I am not afraid and I will not waste anymore time, farting around with the “invisible man, who supposedly lives in the sky”. Instead, I celebrate every day I have. I use my time to do the things that are most important to me. Do yourself a favor, try living for what you love and who you love… I am speaking of the things that actually exist. Life is bound to be better, if you take the time to focus on this.
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