I am me

Courtney - Flint, Michigan
Entered on January 26, 2009
Age Group: 18 - 30

What do I believe? I believe that I can be what I want to be, because I am being what I want to be. I believe that you can be what you want to be, no matter what happens in your life. I was told everyday I would amount to nothing, that even though I busted my brain in school everyday, I would be nothing. I guess I have failed; failed at being a failure.

I grew up having everything handed to me. I never washed a dish, mopped a floor, or cleaned a window. My dad told me I had to be something great. I had to do great in school, I had to get a great job, and marry a rich, great man. I always thought that’s what I had to do with my life. I had my A’s and B’s on my report cards, and I had friends like me. He gave me my morals and my goals that I had to live by.

Later in my life, I grew to realize the world was more than rich white folks being doctors and making money. I decided to go to a public school, although I had to put up a fight just to bring up the idea. I met a boy there. It was love at first sight. Me being so young, my parents just laughed about it, but they let him come over for dinner anyways. Once he walked in the door my dad knew right away he wasn’t my standards. After he did some research he found that my boyfriend didn’t have a wealthy, perfect family. Then, after some unkind words, I chose to leave my dad and to move in with my normal mother. She accepted him, and that was great. I still focused on my studies because I knew I wouldn’t be anything in life without a good education. Although my grades didn’t change, my family still said I would fail because I was dating imperfection.

My mother changed direction when I was fifteen. She started abusing her medications and trying worse substances. We went months without electricity or a refrigerator full of food. Although my life was falling apart around me, I kept up my grades. My morals may have changed at the time when I was turning into my mother, but my goals to do good in school stayed the same. After a few years of torture, I moved out of my house into my own apartment that my boy friend’s mom gave me. I worked at a family diner four days out of the week trying to pay the bills. My boyfriend worked full time to contribute more than half what I made so we could pay our bills. No matter how hard my days got, my schoolwork was always done. I am being what I want to be, and I will always be what I want to be. One day I will become a doctor because that’s what I have always wanted to be.