Skie - Olympia, Washington
Entered on January 22, 2009

I believe there is a universal pulse that unites us all. When we follow our core, our calling, we are connected to this pulse. But when we stray from our core we disrupt the rhythm of our individual place within the collective whole.

Of late, I have been off tempo with my place in the universe. Gratefully, I have not lost sight of my core.

I’ve been stuck in a conflicted state of contemplation. I’ve been questioning my life as an artist. I wonder if it’s worthy, when all around me sentient beings are in need. Homeless humans and animals housed in shelters, both needing assistance and care. When I see beings whose basic needs are unfulfilled, creating art seems selfish.

Today I visit an elder, highly revered painter friend, Gail Ramsey. Just standing in Gail’s painting studio, surrounded by the buzzing energy of her paintings, grounds me and gives me clarity, because her artwork speaks to me on a deep visceral level, a level that verbal communication can not reach.

Gail asks me what I’ve been creating. I answer in a candid, albeit glum tone,

I’ve worked diligently writing a book this past year, but just recently trashed it. I was betraying myself. Hard as it was, I had to admit that I was not saying what I needed to say. I was not finding the essence of my story.

Gail’s plum lips taste my discontentment. Her earnest eyes soak up my sadness. Gail’s relaxed nature has a sage-like effect. She offers,

It is very wise to know when you are disconnected with the universe.

Gail’s statement, and her artwork ends my struggle. Now I see and re-see that for me giving through art is as worthy as giving to living beings, because art is my core, my calling. And to deny my calling would be to disrupt my place in the universe, and to disturb ones individual place is to upset the universe as a whole.